How the Other Half Lives
by Rahainia
Summary: Bathrooms change. Morning routines are modified. Lingerie is discussed, as are the facts of life. May be subject to a higher rating in further chapters.
1. Chapter 1

A/N : This idea came to me a few days ago. I've been having problems uploading my stories for the past month or so, but decided to give it another attempt. If this works, I'll resume updating my other stories, as well.

* * *

It was back. He was experiencing it again. That nail-through-the-head feeling. Spikingly hurtful…pointedly annoying…and an all-round pain in the head.

Slowly, carefully Jack O'Neill opened his eyes and surveyed the scene around him. The throbbing in his head limited his field of vision to about 50 percent of his normal acuity. But, so far, so good. He could see at least.

Now, next step…what was he seeing? Gingerly, he moved his eyes around taking in the cavern walls. Dark. Damp. Moist.

Wait a sec. Moist. He remembered that. The walls looked moist, and they were cool to the touch, but they weren't damp. There was no recordable moisture on the walls. He remembered saying how cool that was before there was a blindingly brilliant flash of light.

And now his head hurt. Not to mention he felt funny. And if he felt funny, he could only imagine how his team was feeling.

His team. Team!

Gently pushing himself off of the ground, he took in the site around him. His vision was slowly returning to its normal field and he gave a silent sigh of relief.

Hey. Who were those two people on the ground near him? Where were Carter and Jackson?

He reached for his radio.

"Teal'c?" Jack frowned. Well, **that** was an interesting voice. He cleared his throat and tried again. "Teal'c? Carter? Jackson?"

"Ugh, right in front of you, sir. No need for the radio." Came the groggy response from one of the bodies. The larger of the two.

"Try harder, Homer." O'Neill retorted as he pointed his P90 at the now moving body. "Who are you?"

"Carter, sir. What happened to your voice?"

"My voice?" Jack winced at the shrillness of it. "What about your voice? Never mind. You're not Carter. I know Carter's body and that ain't it."

"How do you know Carter's body, Jack?" The smaller of the two unknown bodies moved. "And your voice does sound horrible."

Jack whipped his gun around to the now conscious second body.

The Colonel fanned his gun between the two bodies as they slowly pulled themselves up into sitting positions.

"Woah." The larger of the two bodies stared at Jack and trained a P90 on him.

"Look buddy, I don't know who you are, but you should know that isn't a toy." Jack said softly.

"I wouldn't talk…buddy." The larger person stared back. Blue eyes, blond hair and a definitely male body faced Jack.

He felt a stir within himself. An awareness.

_Okay, that was weirdness. Don't ask, don't tell…but, man, a man! C'mon, Jack, get with the program._

"Who are you?" The man asked Jack.

"Colonel Jack O'Neill from the planet Earth. And you are?"

The man frowned.

"There is no way you're the Colonel. That uniform obviously doesn't fit so you've switched clothing. Where is the Colonel?"

Jack frowned, suddenly taking notice that his uniform did feel a bit looser on him in some parts, but a tad tighter in others.

"I am so the Colonel. Obviously that bright flash of light also came with a tailoring function and it modified my uniform. Now, let's try this again. Who are you?"

"Hey! My hands!" Came a soft cry from the other body, almost forgotten by the two people holding guns.

"Huh?" Jack's reply was eloquent as always.

"These aren't my hands. They're…soft and pink."

Jack's frown deepened.

"Look, I'm Carter." Said the man, breathing heavily. "And apparently, you're not the only one with a tailoring issue. Could this uniform get any tighter?"

"Eek!" The third person, a woman, now shrieked. She was peeking down her shirt. "What are those!"

Jack knawed on the corner of his mouth. To reply or not reply. No. Maybe not.

He went to scratch his neck and realized that this wrist had collided with something on his chest. Brown eyes widening, he looked down.

"I think I have them, too." He tugged the top of his shirt away from his body and glanced down. "Yup…I have them. Wow. Neat. Can I ogle myself?"

The man calling himself Carter stared at the two women.

"Colonel?" He said softly.

"Yeah." Jack didn't look up, still staring down his/her shirt.

"Daniel?" The man queried.

"I was." Came the petulant response. "I think Danielle is more appropriate right now."

"Okay." Jack drawled out the word. "So, um, what just happened?"

"My guess would be that the flash of light we saw is associated with our now changed genders, sir."

"Carter?" Jack stared. "Is that really you?"

"Shall I ramble off about some doohickey, sir?"

"No, no..that's okay." Jack waved it off. "Daniel?"

"Yes, Jack?"

"Stop staring down your shirt."

"Yes, Jack."

"Where's Teal'c?" The man claiming to be Carter asked.

"Oh, man…T-Man as T-Woman?" Jack winced. "Fraser's going to need to call in reinforcements for this round of therapy."

The sound of a zat gun made them jump.

"Identify yourselves." Came the calm voice of the former Jaffa.

"Teal'c!" Jack cried out happily. He frowned. Happily? Where did that emotional mood swing come from?

"That is my name. What is yours?"

"It's Jack…that's Carter…and that bundle of femininity in the corner is Daniel."

"Indeed. And do you have proof to support this claim of yours?"

"We're from Earth. We work in Cheyenne Mountain…a top secret, hush-hush, I-could-tell-ya-but-then-I'd-havta-kill-ya type place. Carter likes blue jello. Daniel is like some human elevator…ascends, descends, up, down….you know."

"He's pointing a zat gun at us, sir." Carter protested. "Can't you come up with something more definitive and less antagonistic?"

"Maybe." Jack frowned. "If you tell me what those words mean."

Teal'c lowered his weapon.

"You are Jack O'Neill." He intoned. He dipped his head towards the other two. "Major Carter. DanielJackson."

"Hey, why aren't you a woman?" Jack pointed at Teal'c and received a rasied eyebrow in response.

"Words I never thought I'd utter." Jack muttered.

"Why are you a woman?" Teal'c countered in his calm manner.

"See? Now that's also a good question." Jack replied.

Slowly, Jack stood up, using the wall to leverage himself upright.

"Look, let's do a bit more exploring. See what we can find. Maybe figure out a way to return parts of our bodies to their rightful positions." Jack sighed. "I gotta pee."

Swaying side to side for a moment, O'Neill looked deep in thought.

"Okay, no bathroom break for me. Even if there was a tree nearby, I don't think I can handle actually seeing what's down there…because I know what's missing…and I don't feel ready to handle the replacement."

Carter bit her/his lip in amusement.

"Let's go." Jack began walking further down into the cavern.

Daniel and Sam stood up. The anthropological doctor tried to adjust the straps on his/her pack, but sighed heavily in frustration.

"They're getting in the way." He…or rather she…protested. "Sam, how do you do it?"

"You suck it up…or move 'em." She…or rather he…replied and began to follow Jack.

"Move them?" Daniel squeaked.

"Do you require assistance, DanielJackson?" Teal'c offered, his mouth curving slightly into a smile.

Daniel's mouth opened…then closed…opened again…closed….sandy brown hair moved as his/her head shook negatively.

The remaining two officers followed the team.

* * *

"It's SG-1's IDC, sir." Walter announced.

"Open the iris." General Hammond replied.

It never failed to amaze him…the technology and the beauty behind the Stargate. The history alone was enough to keep his mental energy focused as he tried to learn more about the device. Sure, there were resources – like scientists and money and computers – that were more likely to learn all the secrets of the Stargate, but he like to humour himself at night by reading the reports and developing his own theori…and…what the heck!

"Stay where you are!" He bellowed into the microphone before turning to the seargent beside him. "Close the iris."

Walter stared in shock at the people who had entered through the gate.

"I said close the iris."

"Uh…right, sir. Closing the iris."

Leaving the control room, Hammond made his way past the guards stationed in the gateroom.

"Teal'c." He nodded at the one familiar face, before facing the strangers. "I am General Hammond and you are on the planet Earth."

"Hiya, General…we're hoooOOOooome!" Jack sang out cheerfully. "Can you please have those kids put their guns down before someone gets hurt?"

Hammond frowned. The voice was off but the words…

"Colonel O'Neill?" He blinked.

"Yup. Wait until you get my expense report for this little adventure."

"Major Carter? Doctor Jackson?" Hammond stared at the man and woman behind "O'Neill"

"Yes, sir." The man said glumly.

"Teal'c?" Hammond turned his gaze to seemingly unchanged member of SG-1.

"I am unhurt, General."

"He doesn't know what he's missing." Jack smiled.

"Walter! Get Doctor Fraser up here immediately!" Hammond bellowed.

The gatekeeper blindly groped for the phone, continuing to stare in shock at the people standing below him.

* * *

"Well?" Hammond demanded.

"The EKGs are more or less SG-1, with slight variations, more than likely accountable to the gender change. DNA…is them…but not them…those parts subject to gender are not what they're supposed to be…but…"

"Is this SG-1 or not?"

"I believe it is. Even with my tests, personalities are those of the team."

"What happened?"

"Unknown, sir."

"Why wasn't Teal'c affected?"

"Unknown, sir."

"Is this permanent?"

"Unknown, sir."

Hammond opened his mouth to ask another question, but Dr. Janet Fraser interrupted him.

"I'm sorry, sir, but there's a lot here that I don't know…we could send a team back to investigate…"

"I'm not going to risk this happening to another team." Hammond replied.

"Understandable, sir. Perhaps a MALP?"

"That, I can do…although, the one we sent to scout out this place didn't detect this before."

"Can't hurt to try again, sir."

Hammond nodded and left Dr. Fraser. The short woman stared at the 3 occupants of the examination room. They all sat on their beds, silent.

She walked up to them.

"So, what's the plan, doc?" Jack asked.

Janet smiled. "General Hammond is sending a MALP in first. In the meantime, I'll run some more tests to determine if I can treat you here. I won't lie…this could take some time."

"Okay, I'll ask the important question." Jack sighed. "Which bathroom do we use?"


	2. Chapter 2

A/N : Wow…so many reviews, so quickly. I am honoured! I'm thrilled that you liked the "human elevator" line…I've thought of another way to work it in again, but perhaps that would be overkill? Desert Blossom – love the idea of the first shower. Hadn't even thought of that! Proud Athena (ah, memories of wearing a toga for a day and portraying Athena, goddess of calculus), you're jumping ahead of me. Already worked into the plot…but perhaps not for a chapter or two. That's a hint for all of you to keep reading!

* * *

**Day 1 (continued)**

The all important "which bathroom to use" question had been answered. A bathroom on each floor had been reserved for SG-1's usage only. Co-ed, but only to them. This included the all important shower option.

Shampooing was going to be easy, Jack realized. His hair hadn't changed much. It just felt…softer. He had, however, quickly noted that whatever technology had changed him, didn't quite change him properly and had headed down to his locker for a razor.

Sam, running a hand along her face, also realized that a razor was needed. In the end, they had swapped and Jack was now holding a pink razor. Pink razor. ? Who used a pink razor? Weren't there any military-issued razors? Ones that came in olive or khaki or air force blue? Even gao'uld gold would be more appealing than pink.

He glared at the offending instrument of hair removal as Sam continued on with her shower. He had opted to let her go first.

* * *

Sam washed her hair quickly. No real change there. But it was time to later up her body. Her soapy hands rubbed up and down her toned arms and over her muscular chest. A soft patch of dark blonde hair covered her upper body and, if it hadn't been on her, she would have found it rather sexy. A soft masculine purr escaped. 

Moving lower over her six pack of abs, she lost herself in the simple sensation of exploring her new body. It was rather erotic, actually.

Woah…new body…new body part…hello there…someone wants to be friends...

_Well, that felt good._

Sam looked down and realized what part of her anatomy her hand brushed up against.

_It's gotta be cleaned, too._

Wrapping her still soapy hand around it, Sam proceeded to clean herself…very…very...very thoroughly. No inch was left unsoaped...and that mean cover quite a few inches...

"Hey, you using up all the hot water, Carter?" Jack bellowed from the room outside of the shower area.

"Uh…" Sam continued 'cleaning' herself and shakingly replied,"No?"

"Was that no with a question mark at the end?"

"No?"

"Are you almost done?"

"Yes…yes…yes!" Sam braced herself along the wall for support as feelings of pleasure coursed through her.

"Okay don't have to yell at me. I can wait."

Jack stared at his reflection in the mirror above the sink. Short, greying hair…dark eyes filled with life's experiences…he didn't like himself as a woman. A man, he looked distinguished…even mature (albeit he didn't act that way). As a woman, he felt helooked old. Gently, he pulled the skin around his eyes a little tighter. There…he looked younger now. A little nip here, tuck there…duct tape and crazy glue should suffice. He wondered where Siler had moved his stash to.

The Colonel frowned. Where did this obsession with his looks come from? And why was it suddenly getting very warm in the bathroom?

Worried that there was something wrong with him…well, more wrong than the fact that he was a woman, Jack rushed down to the infirmary.

Sam stepped out of the shower area, a towel wrapped only around her lower torso. Her face, flushed from more than just the shower, showed surprise that she was alone.

* * *

"Janet…help!" Jack gasped as he raced into the doctor's office. 

"I'm trying, Colonel, but there is still much that we don't know…"

"No, no…not that. I'm warm. Very warm. Seriously hot, in fact. Look, I'm sweating." He grabbed one of Janet's hand and held it up to his forehead.

Janet frowned questioningly.

"Perhaps this is just the tension from the experience…" She offered gently.

Jack narrowed his eyes.

"Look…I'm hot. I'm cranky. And I have a sudden craving for something seriously chocolately."

"Oh my…" Janet chuckled softly. "We need to have a talk, Colonel."

"Is it serious?" Jack asked, worried.

"It's menopause, Colonel."

"What?" Jack's mouth gaped. "I need a drink."

"I'll get you a glass of water in a moment. But right now, I need to do some bloodwork. Your hormones are probably putting your body through extreme stress right now. It's tough enough on women who know this is going to happen…but you…well, I didn't think about this."

"Menopause." Jack mused. "I will never make fun of women's biological clock again. So, what's the cure?"

"There is no cure, Colonel."

"What?"

"It's biology, sir. Women go through this…all of us. It's perfectly natural. There are some hormonal therapies in existence and even some herbal options…"

"No cure!" Jack cried out. "Don't you have some special committee working on one? Isn't there some government-funded research being done? I'll be a test guinea pig! You women voluntarily go through this!"

Janet bit her lower lip to keep from laughing.

"It's not really voluntary, sir…it's life. We accept it."

"And Daniel? Is he going to go through this, too?"

Janet's eyes widened.

"Oh my…" The female doctor gasped. "At your age, menopause is normal…the beginning signs at least. Daniel is still young enough to bear children…which means…"

Jack's eyes widened as horrifying comprehension dawned on him.

"Get him in here, now!" He ordered.

* * *

Jack stared at his two affected team members. He still wasn't used to seeing Daniel with breasts…or Carter without them. Carter, fresh from the shower; how was being a guy going to impact her? And them? Sure, thanks to regulations there could be no them, but with the gender change, any hope Jack had of them ever working something out was completely blown to hell. He didn't want to be Mrs. Robinson to Carter. 

Carter stood behind the examination bed watching Jack watching her. Was she that obvious? How did guys deal with **this**? She shifted slightly, feeling that new part of her anatomy brush up against the bed. Okay, that felt good…but it was wrong…bad Carter, bad!

Why was Jack staring?

Carter shifted again. Oh yeah…so good, it was bad…or was it the other way around?

Meanwhile, Daniel was staring at Janet in horror…sheer, unadulterated, absolute horror.

"Once a month?" He squeaked. "I have to go through **that** once a month!"

Janet nodded.

"It's not too bad, Daniel. If it happens, we'll ensure that you have the necessary supplies to take care of everything."

"You mean if it happens before you cure us, right?"

Janet nodded carefully.

"Just a sec, Doc." Jack piped up. "Before my little hot flash moment…and would someone please turn down the air conditioning? It's freezing in here! Before that, you said I was in the beginning stages? Explain, please."

"Well…umm…" Janet actually looked embarrassed.

"What she means, sir." Carter stopped shifting from foot to foot behind the bed to speak up. "In the beginning stages of menopause, it is perfectly natural for a woman to experience both her menstrual cycle and the hormonal changes signifying the end of her fertile years."

"Eww, Carter. That's gross and the details were so unnecessary." Jack wrinkled his nose.

"So, sir, while the probability of you becoming pregnant is minimal, the possibility still exists. Unfortunately, the hormones beginning to course through your system reduce the likelihood of you carrying a child to term."

Jack frowned.

"Well, it's a moot point because I have no intention of becoming pregnant. Ditto for Daniel."

Silence.

"Daniel? Right, Daniel?" Jack prodded.

Daniel sat on the exam table sniffling.

"Women." Carter muttered.

Jack shot his 2IC a dirty look.

"Don't make me bring you up on harassment charges, Carter." He warned.

"With all due respect, sir, I am…was…a woman in the military. I've had to deal with sore breasts, menstrual cycles, pregnancy probabilities, my ass smacked and innuendos thrown at me left, right and centre. This little situation we're in is probably the best thing to happen to women in the military. You're seeing how the other half lives…sir!" Carter was practically barking.

Jack blinked.

"Well, there was no need to yell, Carter." He said softly.

Carter stared. Normally, Jack would have had a snappy comeback. Normally, she wouldn't have said a word regarding the gender differences in the military. But this just wasn't a normal situation.

"I'm taking a walk." Sam said simply.

She grabbed a clipboard off of the exam table she was standing behind and held it in front of her.

"Uh…Sam?" Janet said. "I need that clip board."

"I need it more, Janet." Sam replied quietly.

"Why?" The doctor asked.

Jack's mouth twitched.

"Hey, welcome to being male. Bathroom's down the hall…make sure you clean up afterwards, will ya?"

Sam stared at her CO.

"And watch out for zippers. Nasty little things…zippers…tends to catch…stuff…you know…" Jack had a full-blown smirk going on.

Janet nodded, as she gained an understanding of what was going on.

"Sam, most men go through this during puberty. You haven't had the time to learn to control these…reactions."

"But what brings them on?" Carter all but whined.

"Live women, pictures of women, thoughts of women, apple pie…" Jack offered.

"A certain movie might help you to alleviate the symptoms…" Piped up the SF standing by the door.

Carter shot him a look.

"…ma'am…"

Jack choked on his laugh, as Carter stalked out of the infirmary.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N : Reworked this chapter and the next several times, before taking a break for grocery shopping. Purchased a box of fruit loops for inspiration! On a side note…I'm thinking of bringing in Jacob, Bratak and Thor later on…what do you guys think?

* * *

**Day 2 - morning**

Sleep had been nonexistent for Colonel Jack O'Neill. He'd lie on his back and two new body parts would flop to the sides. He had tried lying on side, but his arms didn't know where to go with his chest blocking the way and cupping the lower one with a hand didn't help. And he was still trying to forget what had happened when he had attempted to lie on his stomach.

Jack picked at his bowl of fruit loops in disgust. He hoped and prayed to every god he knew that this would be resolved and soon. In fact, he was even considering paying homage to fake gods.

_Note to self, don't tell Teal'c that._

Sam approached and tossed a clip board on the table before sitting down.

Jack frowned.

"Eww, Carter…is that **the** clip board? I'm trying to eat breakfast here."

"Grow up, sir." Sam snapped.

"What's wrong, Carter? Hairy palms? Going blind? Those were all urban myths told to keep us curious little boys from satisfying our…umm…curiosity."

"Sir…we need to talk."

Jack didn't like Sam's tone.

"Is this the place to have said talk, Carter?" He looked around.

"We're alone, sir. Everyone else is working…at not being where we are."

"Okay…so talk."

"Look, I know that you're going through the beginning stages of menopause and stuff, but your body doesn't always know what's what."

"I don't know what's what, Carter. What are you saying?"

Sam took a deep breath.

"I'm having a difficult time controlling my own body and my reactions to things…and, well, sir, it doesn't help knowing that you're not wearing a bra."

Jack dropped his spoon.

"A what?"

"Bra, sir."

"Yeah, yeah…I heard you. Why should I wear a bra?"

"Other than the benefits to your posture, sir, it will conceal things."

"Such as?" Jack leaned forward, resting his chin on a bent hand. Hey, this concept of feigning interest came more easily to the female gender.

"Sir…your chest. When the air conditioning is on, it becomes cooler in here…"

"That's how air conditioning works, Carter. Very good." Jack fluttered his eyelashes at his 2IC.

"And, well, sir…cool air has a certain effect on a woman's chest."

"No kidding." Jack grinned knowingly. "I remember there was this one time…oh…."

Jack looked down and saw the two offending objects of conversation at high alert.

"Can't I just tape them down?"

"Trust me, sir…a bra."

"Do we have military-issue bras? Do I have a choice of drab brown, icky olive, or BDU blue?"

"We do have military ones, sir, but I think you'll want something more comfortable for your first one."

"And how do you suggest we resolve that then?"

"Already taken care of, sir. General Hammond has given you permission to go shopping."

"Shopping?" Jack's eyes narrowed. "Me? I know nothing about shopping for bras. I need help."

"The clerks at the store could help." Sam's voice was a whisper now…a painful whisper. She had a feeling that Jack had something else in mind.

"Nope. Your idea, Carter…your assistance. What about Daniel?"

"He's still in the infirmary…says he's not coming out into public in case his cycle starts and he's unprepared for it."

Jack blinked.

"Janet and I gave him some recommendations for temporary fixes until he could locate the proper supplies, but…"

"Eww! Enough, Carter!"

* * *

"Is it always so difficult to choose?" Jack asked staring at the various styles, shapes, colours, enhancements, water-filled, air-filled, demi-bra, full support, strapless…

Sam nodded.

"Hello, may I help you?" A chirpy brunette appeared before the two SG-1 members.

"We're looking for a bra." Sam proclaimed.

"Then you've come to the right place!" Another chirpy response. "My name is Susie and I'm a bra fitter."

"A what?" Jack asked. "Did you have to go to school to become that? I don't remember my guidance counselor giving me that as an option when I was in school."

Susie giggled.

"Too funny! Is this bra for a special occasion?"

"Ummm…" Jack paused.

"My aunt, " Sam began, "Is visiting and her luggage was lost by the airline. You know how it goes. She's the same size as my Mom, so clothing isn't an issue…but obviously, they're not going to share bras."

Susie nodded seriously. "Of course. But not just bras. Panties, too, right? Sleep-wear?"

Jack gulped loudly. Panties? He didn't wear panties…he didn't wear lace…and holy crap, how could a body tolerate such a thin piece of cloth wedged up one's…

Susie held up the mystifying article.

"This is part of our newest collection…'La Femme Fatale'. All lace and sheer sensuality." Susie waved her hand along the wall. "As you can see, various styles and colours, but all with the art of seduction in mind."

Jack stared at the wall in confusion.

"There's so much." He muttered.

"True." Susie conceded. She moved in closer to Sam. "But we're here to help. Tell me, sir, what do you like."

Sam took a step back.

"Can't say…I mean, it's for my aunt…I don't really want to go there."

"But maybe you could pick something up for your…girlfriend?"

"He's gay." Jack said sharply.

"Oh." Susie stepped away, disappointed.

"Look, if we need help, we'll holler, okay." Jack said. "Go help someone else."

The officers watched as Susie sauntered towards a young couple near the front of the store.

"Sir, did you have to say I was gay?"

"Why? You interested in her, Carter? Care to…how did you put it…see how the other half lives?"

"Sir…no…but still…"

"Look, let's just find something."

"She was right about panties, sir."

"Okay…we'll get some for Daniel, too. How do I pick a bra?"

"We need to determine your size, sir."

"Can't I just try some on?"

"You won't find them comfortable. It'll take time to get used to them."

"Guess then. Guess my size."

"36B." A new voice…Janet's voice.

"Hey, Doc." Jack smiled at the woman standing beside her. "Is that a good size? Whatcha doin' here?"

"It's a good size…I've been told that anything more than a handful is a waste. Thought Daniel could use some stuff and found out the General gave you permission to go shopping." The doctor smiled softly at Sam. "And then we'll go do some for you, Sam."

Sam nodded, realizing that her current collection of lingerie, while meager at best, really wasn't suited towards this new body.

"That's a pretty colour." Janet pointed out a lovely lilac matching set. "No itchy lace, but breathable material. Thick straps for support and comfort. And a high-cut leg in the panties for ease of movement and flexibility."

"Oh yeah…perfect for fighting the Gao'uld. You should have gone into marketing, doctor." Jack replied dryly.

Sam held up a black silk set of lounge wear.

"It'll be comfortable, sir." She said quietly. "Why don't you try it on and while you're doing that, we'll find some other things for you."

Jack nodded silently.

Janet watched the interplay between the two officers. All in all, they were handling the whole situation quite well. Daniel was a basket case, but at least she could drug him with something to calm his nerves. These two…with their walls of control…scared her. She wondered if they and when they would snap.

"Hey, Sam, how about these? Air force blue, but still feminine. And here's some slippers. And some cotton tanks and matching briefs."

Sam nodded.

"You better bring them in…I might get arrested if I entered the change room area."

Janet grinned and brought their selection in to the women only area.

"Hey, looking good, Jack." Janet admired the older yet still athletic woman wearing the black silk lounge wear. "It makes your eyes look so dark and sexy."

"Janet…" Jack warned.

Janet laughed and placed the extra clothing in the change room.

"Holler if you need anything."

Jack tried on the blue push-up bra and matching French-cut panties. There was lace above the thighs, joining the little scraps of cloth in the front and back. The bra, working its magic, pushed his breasts up making him look utterly female. Still, though, it was a tad tight.

"Janet?"

Silence.

"Janet?" A little louder.

Silence.

"Oh for the…"

Jack marched out of his change room and stood in the doorway looking for Janet.

"Ummm…Jack?" Sam looked up from the cotton tshirts on display by the door.

"Sam!"

"Nice colour."

"Matches your eyes, Carter."

Susie, standing nearby, frowned in disgust.

"It's not supposed to match **my** eyes, sir." Sam replied, shaking her head.

"Look, do they have this…but in a size larger? It's digging into my back."

Sam stepped closer.

"Actually, it fits quite well in the front. A size up won't flatter you as much. Turn around, sir."

Susie watched the exchange with a curling lip.

"Just as I thought. You didn't loosen the straps."

"You can do that?" Jack asked in amazement.

"Yes. Here, let me."

Deftly, Sam ran her fingers along the straps and played with the clasps. Gently, the straps were loosened so that the material was no longer digging into Jack's back.

"All done." Sam ran her fingers down Jack's shoulder blades.

Jack shivered at the sensations.

"Th…thanks." He all but dashed back into the changeroom.

Having had enough, Susie marched up to Sam.

"Gay? Hah! Look, I don't know what kind of relationship you and your 'aunt' have, but keep it out of this store. Get what you want, buy it and get out!"

"They come from a close family, miss." Janet offered, having completed some of her own purchases for Daniel and few extras that she told no one about.

"I don't care. That's just disgusting…with your aunt!"

Jack reappeared.

"Is there a problem?" He asked.

"Look, are you buying anything?"

"Yes…this." He held out an armful of clothing.

"Great." Susie snatched it up. "Let's ring this up and get you out of here. You're scaring away my other customers."

Jack looked around the empty store.

"Did I miss something?"

* * *

Entering a chain-variety of department store, the threesome headed over to the mens section. Sam was more comfortable here despite the foreigness of the clothing. Really, boxers or briefs…not nearly as complicated as women's lingerie, right?

"Happy faces? Elmo? Plaid? Little red hearts?" Jack tossed a bunch of boxers at Sam one-by-one.

"Sir!"

"Can I help you?" A man, about Jack's age, approached.

"Yes, my nephew is visiting and the airline lost his luggage. We're looking for basics to tide him over until the airline finds his bags." Jack recycled Sam's excuse.

"So, underwear, socks, shirts, jeans…nothing fancy, I presume?"

"You presume right." Jack replied.

Janet rolled her eyes.

The clerk took a step back and ran his eyes up and down Sam's frame.

"Lovely build, sir. Six feet and I'd guess a waist of 36"…you're very well toned."

"He's straight." Jack said.

Sam glared at her CO.

"Look, everything I need is in that corner. Let's just grab some things and leave." She begged.

"Ah, yes, the Tommy line…wonderful selection. If you need any assistance, please feel free to ask."

"Yes, yes…we will…" Jack pushed Sam down towards the corner selction with one hand and grabbed Janet with the other.

"Sir! Was that necessary?"

"Why? You interested Carter?"

"No, sir, but…"

"Just pick out what you need."

"Which is better? Boxers or briefs?" Sam asked.

"Are you asking from an appearance stand point, comfort or practicality?" Jack replied.

"Yes." Sam retorted.

"You two are spending way too much time together." Janet commented. "Why not go boxer briefs while you're on base and on duty…and simple boxers for off duty."

"Yeah. Tightie whities are so last year." Jack remarked.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N : I'm glowing with these reviews, folks! Don't worry…it's a safe glow. Eyes are remaining normal. To the question of whether this is a ship-fic or not, I did put romance in the description, didn't I? I have a few ideas on how to work it in…but like I put in an earlier chapter, the whole "Mrs. Robinson" thing can be highly overrated for a story. And if you don't understand that reference, I suggest you ask an older female relative! (am I showing my age here?...no, just how informed I am…phew!). I admit to being a SJ shipper…but this story is all about twists, right? Winkwinknudgenudge

FYI, I'm surprised no one's dinged me for spelling Janet's name incorrectly. I do believe I've been typing "Fraser"…not "Frasier". Bad, Rah…go stand in a corner when you're done updating the next chapter.

Let's do the recap. Day 1 (am) – genders changed. Day 1 (pm) – shower scene and women's biology discussed. Day 2 (am) – lingerie shopping and Sam's sexual orientation not quite determined. Which brings us to…

* * *

**Day 2 – pm**

While they had taken two separate cars, Jack, Sam and Janet arrived back at the base together. All three were loaded with bags, filled with clothing, lingerie, and body care products. Jack had a smaller bag stashed in one of the larger ones filled with more secret and personal stuff.

He'd completed that mission after the first visit to the drug store, where Janet explained the differences between the various feminine hygiene products.

* * *

_Flashback to the mall..._

"There are almost as many types as there were bras." He had complained.

Janet smiled knowingly.

"Yes," she conceded, "Gone are the days of the plain, old simple tampon."

"That information is so not necessary."

They also purchased some vitamins geared towards women that were Jack's age and going through the same changes, as well as some herbal teas.

He had scoffed, but Janet insisted.

"The less medicine I have to give you, the happier I'll be." She had proclaimed stubbornly. "I don't want to run the risk of anything jeopardizing finding a cure."

At the thought of the cure, Jack promptly grabbed all the herbal teas and supplements within arms reach.

As they re-entered the main thru-fare of the mall, the pair noticed that Sam had disappeared. Spotting her striding quickly towards them, Jack raised an eyebrow.

"Sorry, sir...taking care of some personal things."

"Again, Carter? You really need to get a grip on that thing...no pun intended."

"It wasn't that, sir. Hey, um, Janet...I saw something I liked, but thought you'd like it more. Come with? Sir, can you give us fifteen minutes?"

Jack nodded in confusion but realized that he'd have some time to do his own little shopping spree.

_All in the name of research, of course._

Once Janet and Sam were out of sight, he re-entered the drug store.

_End flashback..._

* * *

"Hey, Spacemonkey!" Jack announced himself as he peeked inside Daniel's office. "Glad to see you're up and about." 

"Doctor's orders." Daniel said glumly. "Janet said that if I remained in the infirmary any longer, she was going to strap me to one of the beds and wheel me out into the corridor like some animal on display."

"Wouldn't put it past her." Jack nodded.

"I know." Daniel sighed. "She's a tough cookie."

"Just be glad she's on our side." Jack leaned back into the corridor to grab some bags. "We, uh, got these for you."

Daniel eyed the bags carefully.

"What is it?"

"You know…female stuff. Clothing. Bras…fascinating things, bras. Hope they fit. Razors. Cream. Shampoo."

"Bras, Jack? You bought me lingerie?"

"Well, Janet did actually."

"You know, that's hardly how I imagined her first gift to me to be."

"You imagine stuff like that?"

"Don't you about Carter?"

"Not going there, Daniel."

"Come on…let's have a girl talk." Daniel patted the chair beside him.

"I'm not having a girl talk…with you or anyone." Jack protested loudly. He glared at a passing crewman who snickered softly.

Daniel's phone rang. He acknowledged the person on the other end and hung up.

"That was Janet…she found out why Teal'c wasn't changed."

"Quick, Spacemonkey! To the bat-infirmary."

Jack pivoted and marched quickly down to doctor's domain. Daniel snagged the bag with the bras and followed him.

* * *

General Hammond looked at the walls around him…the diagnostic machinery…the syringes…at everything which wasn't SG-1. 

Sam fumed.

Daniel's eyes widened.

Teal'c maintained his composure, but somehow looked pleased with himself.

Jack pursed his lips.

"So," he started. "Let me see if I understand this, Doctor Frasier. You're saying that Teal'c remained unchanged because he is, in essence, comfortable with his masculinity."

Janet nodded.

"Which implies, then, that I am not."

Janet nodded again.

"Please explain that to me."

"Teal'c's bloodwork shows a high testosterone count and a very dominant male chromosome. You and Doctor Jackson, while male, possess enough female traits to allow for this gender modification. And Major Carter, the opposite…enough male traits."

"You're saying that we have girlishly male DNA?" Daniel asked.

"In layman's terms…yes." Janet conceded.

"I think I'm offended here." Jack tilted his head to the side, pondering for a moment. "Nope. Scratch that. I know I'm offended here. I'm a man. Upon my birth, the doctor said 'congrats, it's a boy'. My birth certificate, drivers license, military id say I'm a man. Heck…I've contributed to offspring. I. Am. A. Man."

Jack looked at Carter.

"And Carter…she's a she. Okay, she's not a girly girl with flowery dresses and stuff…but her shampoo smells like vanilla and oranges which is definately not a guy thing…"

"Colonel?" Hammond interrupted, an eyebrow raised.

"We're a team, sir. I know what my team smells like."

"I don't know what Carter's shampoo smells like." Daniel piped up.

"That's because you're too busy trying to figure out which plane of existence you like better." Jack retorted.

"My shampoo preference aside," Sam started, "The Colonel has a point. At conception…"

"Ewww…can we **not** put me and the word conception in the same paragraph." Jack winced.

"…at conception," Sam continued, "Our gender is determined. X and Y or X and X. Once that decision is made, we are our gender. How can it have been switched?"

Janet shrugged.

"I don't know that yet. All I know is that Teal'c's DNA contains substantially less female attributes than those of our Colonel O'Neill and Doctor Jackson."

"Any thing yet from the MALP, sir?" Jack turned towards the General.

"Not yet. It's due to report back in one hour." Hammond dipped his bald head towards the group. "If that will be all…"

The senior officer started to leave the infirmary, but paused by Jack.

"You know, Colonel, you make a very attractive woman." And then Hammond left the room.

Jack whipped his head sharply to face the remaining group.

"Did he just hit on me?"

* * *

Daniel stuck around the infirmary as the rest of the team paraded out. 

"Hey, umm…Janet?" He called out to the petite woman.

"Yes?" She turned around.

"Thanks...thanks for the bras and stuff." He said quietly. He interlaced his fingers and un-interlaced them and re-interlaced...

_Okay, why not just broadcast the nerves, Jackson?_

Janet smiled softly.

"You're welcome, Daniel."

"You know what Jack said about Carter's smell?"

"Yes."

"I wasn't lying when I said I don't hers."

Janet looked confused.

"I don't understand."

"Well, you see, I was too busy noticing yours." He stammered out, a hand waving small circles in his attempt to help explain. "Coconut shampoo and cucumber and mint in your cream."

"Oh." Janet looked up to see a pair of blue eyes closer andstaring into her brown ones. Her mouth opened. "Oh."

"Yeah, oh." Daniel ran a hand gently down Janet's face, caressing it "You know, Jack says I have horrible timing and I'm inclined to believe him. I mean…why am I telling you this now of all times?"

Janet blinked once…twice…and cleared her throat.

"Do you feel safer telling me now that you're in this body?" She tried to remain clinical...doctor-like...but her palms were sweating and suddenly she felt flushed.

"This body? Hah!" Daniel's voice was harsh. "Janet, this body doesn't stop my feelings…it's still me here…I just can't act on them now. I mean, I can...there's that policy about don't-ask-don't-tell...and there are societies in which this would be perfectly acceptable, but..."

"Oh."

"I gotta get out of here. Thanks again."

Daniel grabbed the bag and ran out of the infirmary.

Janet stared at the doors as they closed behind Daniel.

Daniel said he was attracted to her. A man in a woman's body said that he was attracted to her. A woman's mouth had said the words. Janet leaned against a examination table.

_Is anything ever **normal** around here?_


	5. Chapter 5

A/N : Okay, I admit that this chapter isn't quite so funny…but beauty products are a serious subject, folks!

AJ - Thank you for the clarification. Perhaps I should have taken biology class in high school, after all, hmmm :-)

* * *

**Day 2 (pm…really pm…late pm…look, it's dark out…you get the idea right?)**

A soft knock followed by a quiet "sir?" caused O'Neill to look up from the MALP report he was reading…or rather more like staring at. O'Neill had a theory that if he looked long enough at the report and went cross-eyed, he'd find hidden messages in it.

"Yeah, Carter?"

The doorknob jiggled but the locked door remained shut.

"Can I come in, sir?"

"Uh…now?"

"No, sir, in five minutes."

"That would be preferable…"

Sam heard a bang followed by a muffled "oof!"

"Sir? Are you okay?"

"Fine. I think I broke a finger nail." Jack shot out while looking at the offending cuticle's ragged edge.

"Sir? Please, can I come in?"

"Oh, fine." The click of the door unlocking was heard. "But no laughing."

Sam entered her C.O.'s quarters.

"Sir, why would I lau…wow….ummm….it's green."

"Yes. It's green, Carter. Don't you like green or do you have something against that colour?" Jack snapped.

"No, sir. I like green just fine. But it's green and it's on your face."

"It's called a masque, Carter. You know, one of those beauty thingies that you women love so much."

Carter arched a blonde eyebrow.

"Indeed, sir." Sam paused. "If I may ask, sir…why do you…"

"Because, you made a valid point about seeing how the other half lives. I want to know what you women find so damnably fascinating about these things and why you spend so much money on beauty products." Jack thumbed over his shoulder to a table covered in creams and toners and hair dyes and make up and stuff. "Besides, I don't intend on being a woman forever and whatever insight I gain now might make me more popular with the ladies later on."

Carter licked her lips as she looked at all the products.

"That's a lot of stuff, sir."

"Yeah, and the weird part is that I don't know what half of it does." Jack got a look in his eyes. "Hey, maybe you can tell me."

"Sorry, sir. But beyond the basics, this is unknown territory for me, as well."

"But you're a scientist…help me figure it out." Jack sniffed the air. "What is that smell?"

"Popcorn, sir." Sam held out the still steaming bag.

"Yes, that part was obvious. I smell something else." Jack stepped closer to Sam, delicately sniffing the air. He leaned in to the side of Sam's neck and inhaled softly. Gently, he nuzzled her neck. She gulped.

"Cologne, Carter? Popcorn and cologne? Is this a date?" Jack's eyes twinkled as he took a step back.

"Hardly, sir. Like you…just experimenting."

"Well…it's a nice scent and I didn't figure you to be an Old Spice kind of guy."

"Tommy, sir."

"Who's Tommy?"

"The cologne, sir."

"Ah." Jack frowned.

"Sir, if I help you with this stuff…can you take off the masque? It's really starting to freak me out."

"I hope I can…it's supposed to be one of those peelable ones." Using his thumbs, Jack rolled the edges of the masque up and over his chin. With a few tugs and careful pulls, the masque was removed. Jack looked at the inner side.

"Carter! Look!" He pointed at the inside of the masque. Carter stepped over. "I think I just found a new life form!"

Sam rolled her blue eyes and in doing so, noticed the forgotten report lying on Jack's bunk.

"MALP, sir?" She asked.

"Yeah for all the good it did. I've read more useful information inside the instruction manual for a toaster."

"You've read an instruction manual, sir?"

"Surprised you didn't comment on my ability to read, Carter."

"One insult at a time, sir."

"Great. You get a bit of testosterone in your system and suddenly you're a funny guy."

Carter sighed.

"Shall we get down to business, sir?"

"You do realize that if I said that to you…or any other woman…it would have a completely different meaning, right, Carter?"

"How do you know I didn't mean it the way you would, sir?"

"Because you're Carter, Carter. And you never mean the same thing as me." Jack sighed. "Okay, let's get started."

* * *

A few minutes later, Jack was sitting on his bunk with make-up products spread out before him and Sam on the other side of them. 

"Well, for starters, sir, you've got some great skin…perfect pores…flawless really."

"I'm blushing, Carter."

Sam rolled her eyes.

"For evening, I'd suggest a light foundation, but let's work on daytime care first. A little cream is all you need. It'll moisturize while protecting you from the effects of the sun."

"Ah, yes, we wouldn't want any more wrinkles." Jack said softly.

"Sir, you hardly have wrinkles!" Carter protested.

"Look, crows feet on a man are distinguished looking. On a woman…"

"You're still attractive, sir." Carter interrupted.

"Still, Carter?" Jack grinned. "As in you found me attractive as a man?"

"I think there are attractive qualities in all men, sir." Sam's quick excuse sounded lame even to her own ears, but at least it was quick.

"Really…how about Daniel?"

"Geeky…and it's a known fact that geeks are attracted to geeks, sir. It's like there is some need for us to create more geeks."

"I so did not need that mental image, Carter. Teal'c."

"Muscular. Stoic. Polite."

"Hammond."

Sam blinked.

"Bald **is** sexy, sir." She conceded.

"Walter."

"Walter?" Sam gaped.

"Walter."

"Always opens the door and lets me come home."

"Siler."

"Handy with duct tape."

"O'Neill."

"Always there for me, a sense of humour, great ass…" Sam glared at Jack. "You tricked me."

Jack laughed. He stood up, and arched his back, pushing his black silk-clad derriere (men have butts and women have derrieres) towards Sam.

"Still think it's great?" He teased.

"Yes." Sam snarled as she hauled Jack into her lap. "Now stop looking for compliments."

Jack blinked and wiggled slightly in Sam's lap.

"No problem…I think found something else more interesting." Jack reached back and clasped Sam's thighs for support as he moved in small circles. "Wow…so this is how it feels."

"Sir, it's my sidearm." Sam managed to gasp.

"Nice try, Major." Jack shifted from side to side. "That's my excuse...find your own."

"Colonel…sir…Jack…please stop."

Jack closed his eyes, reveling in the sensations.

"No wonder women don't listen when we tell them to stop. This feels…mmm…wonderful…."

Sam's hips bucked slightly, causing Jack to open his eyes.

"Please don't…" Sam whispered.

Realization dawned on Jack. He jumped up and ran to the wall by the door, as far as he could get away from Sam.

"I'm sorry." He managed to say.

Sam's blue eyes narrowed and she quickly closed the distance between them. She placed her hands on the wall on either side of Jack's head, pinning him in…blocking his escape…deliciously trapping him…

"Did you learn something new, sir?" She asked harshly.

Jack nodded silently, eyes closed.

"Is there anything else I can help you with, sir?" She asked roughly.

Jack shook his head from side to side, keeping his eyes closed.

"Look at me, sir." Sam pleaded hoarsely.

Dark brown eyes opened to stare into bright blue ones.

"The General was right, sir." Slowly, Sam ran a hand down the side of Jack's face. He started to tremble. "You do make an attractive woman."

Sam's fingers caressed the side of Jack's neck as their tips played with his short, slightly graying hair.

_So close…_

Sam's nostrils flared as she inhaled Jack's scent.

Jack licked his lips.

The sight of his pink tongue wetting his pouting mouth made Sam want to do things that she hadn't thought of…well, from this angle…to lean down…to take…to touch…to taste…

_He'd look good with longer hair…about shoulder length._

Sam's hands stilled.

_A woman…Jack's a woman…_

She blinked. Angrily, she pushed herself away from the wall and Jack. Without sparing him a glance, she marched out of his quarters.

Jack slid down the wall to the floor, still trembling, his knees no longer able to support him.

* * *

A/N : And this, folks, is where the producers – if this had been an actual episode – would take a commercial break and so….. 


	6. Chapter 6

A/N : Now here's an idea for a poll…does Jack O'Neill play footsies? You guys rock when it comes to reviewing! Even your friendly criticism is fueling my writing. Keep it up.

* * *

**Day 3 (am)**

General Hammond looked around the meeting room table and noted that Teal'c appeared to be the only one who looked reasonably well rested. Even the SGC General himself had had a restless night. He had told Colonel Jack O'Neill that he was an attractive woman! That thought – the whole incredulity of it – had kept him up all night…and in more than one way.

Jack stared at his 2IC. Okay, sureyayoubetcha, there were times when he really – **really** – wanted to kiss her but never where he felt weak in the knees. But last night…wow…he had come really darn close to swooning in Sam's arms. And he –Colonel Jonathan O'Neill – did **not** swoon…it was so un-Jack-like.

Sam avoided Jack's gaze by observing her fingernails. Last night, she had felt a primitive need to lay claim to her C.O. To take him…to make him hers. She was woman (hah!) enough to admit that she desired Jack, but she had never felt such a raw consuming need to claim him, to mark him as taken. That whole touched virus thingie aside. She shuddered as the sensations coursed through her.

Janet had spent all night in the lab analyzing the latest round of bloodwork from the SG1 team. It was because of the test results that the team was now here. She stifled a yawn and glanced at Daniel beside her.

Daniel twitched in his chair, rubbing his upper back along the leather. He frowned, rubbed his shoulders and kept running his hand under his shirt, as if scratching.

"Tell me you didn't sleep with the bra on, Daniel." Janet whispered.

He looked at her guiltily.

"I thought it would help me get used to it faster."

"Daniel!" Janet's voice was sharp and louder than she intended.

"Is there a problem, Doctor Frasier?" General Hammond asked from his position at the head of the table. Jack sat beside him and the General found himself idly wondering if the Colonel knew how to play footsies.

"Uh, no sir…" Came the weak response.

"Then perhaps we get this over and done with?" The Texan asked, wishing he could just escape before he made an ass of himself soon.

"Yes, sir." Janet took a deep breath. "As you know, we've taken several blood tests from you since you returned from your last mission."

"And I've got the marks to prove it." Jack rolled up his sleeve. "I look like a junkie."

Janet pursed her lips but ignored the Colonel.

"It appears that your DNA is continuing to modify your genders. If we do not find a cure and soon, the effects of this incident may be irreversible."

"You mean we'll be stuck like this?" Carter gasped.

"Hey, at least you'll be able to pee standing up, Carter. Saves time." Jack replied.

"Can't you slow the process down?" Daniel asked.

"We can try hormonal therapy, but in the end…" Janet started.

"…Daniel and I would look like we're members of the East German women's swim team. Got it." Jack hung his head in his hands.

A/N : No insult intended, fyi, to people from the former East German country and/or members of their women's swim team.

"Okay, so let's say our gender change is permanent…" Daniel started.

"Daniel…" Jack's muffled voice warned.

"Look, Jack, we need to plan this out…understand what we're dealing with here." Daniel turned to Janet. "What are the long term effects? I mean, we're still us, right?"

Janet sighed.

"I believe so. However, you and the Colonel will be women…subject to womanly traits. Things that go beyond shaving and menopause. We're talking moods, emotions…"

"PMS." Jack supplied looking up. "And Carter?"

Sam looked at Jack while Janet answered.

"Male tendencies…aggression, territorial…you are…were…are…a man. You know what men deal with."

Jack groaned. He had a funny feeling that the aggression and territorial nature of maleness showed itself last night in his quarters.

He looked up to address the General and found the older man looking at him funnily.

_Don't go there, Jack…don't go there…oh god, he **was** hitting on me! I **said** don't go there, but did you listen to me? NooOOOooo...I'm just going to sit in a dark corner and hum dirty little sea shanties..._

"Sir, permission to return to P6Y dash…uhh...permission to return to the funky planet that did this to us." Jack requested.

"Denied, Colonel." Hammond replied.

"But sir!" Jack protested loudly.

_Okay, that was girly_.

"No 'but's', Colonel. Until we know exactly how this happened, that planet is off limits to all Stargate personnel."

"But how can we determine how this happened unless we go back?" Sam asked. "Maybe whatever changed us can change us back."

"That's a 'maybe' I'm not willing to risk, Major." Hammond said firmly.

"Perhaps I can go alone." Teal'c offered. "It did not change me before."

"How long until the effect becomes permanent, Doctor Frasier?" Hammond asked.

"I'd say72 hours." Was the response.

"Teal'c…I don't like sending you in alone."

"He could have a MALP as an escort. Not exactly a great defensive partner, but it will record events and act as a sentry while Teal'c investigates." Daniel suggested.

"You have a go, Teal'c. Good luck." Hammond stood up and left. He popped back into the room. "Oh and the rest of SG1, you're on leave for48 hours. Get off the base. Have some fun. Just do something to relax…that's an order. We'll call you if we find anything."

"I wish we were going with you Teal'c." Jack said. "And…"

"I shall keep my head down, O'Neill."

Jack smiled softly and left the room.

* * *

Jack raised his head at the sound of the klaxons indicating that the stargate was active. Glancing at his watch, he confirmed that it was Teal'c's scheduled departure time and based on the fact that Walter wasn't yelling anything into the speaker system, the Colonel knew that nothing was amiss. 

Shortly after leaving the briefing, he had felt a need to be alone…somewhere where no one would think to find him.

Thirty minutes later, several wrong turns and one attempt at asking for directions (a sure sign that he was becoming a woman!), Jack O'Neill located his office. Entering it, he saw several stacks of files and reports placed carefully on his desk. Walter, no doubt.

Sighing, Jack decided to employ his filing system. He opened up a cabinet drawer, grabbed the stacks and dumped them into the cabinet. Closing it with a satisfied smile, he sat down in the chair and closed his eyes.

A woman in the military. What did that mean for him? What kind of future did that hold? He had heard that promotions were more difficult to come by. That patronizing would start and phrases like "don't worry your pretty little head" would be uttered.

He slammed a fist down on his desk in anger and winced at the pain.

See? That shouldn't have hurt.

He was Colonel Jack O'Neill! Commanding officer of team SG-1! Former Black Ops! Air Force! And his hand now hurt.

Bracing his head in his hands, his thumbs rubbed his temples. And Colonel Jack O'Neill, commanding officer of SG-1, former Black Ops and a member of the Air Force did something he never thought he would do…he started to cry. He couldn't help himself.

Sam stood outside the partially closed door. She could hear soft sobs coming from inside her C.O.'s office and angling herself, she could see his body shaking. She hated to see him like this. Hurting. Helpless.

Quietly, she entered his office and closed the door. She locked it, hoping that would provide the Colonel some privacy.

Jack looked up at the click. His eyes red, face wet, he glared at Sam for invading his moment of weakness. Without a saying a word, Sam led Jack to the small couch and placed him gently on it.

"Come here." She said, opening her arms as she sat beside him. Jack leaned into the embrace and started to cry.

"I…don't know…what's…wrong…with me." He hiccupped.

"Hormones." Sam said quietly.

"You're not…crying." He argued.

"Testosterone apparently provides some form of control over that." She reasoned. "I'd probably be crying if I was a woman."

"No you wouldn't…you're Carter." Jack protested. "You're strong and in control and calm."

"Not always, sir." Sam said softly. "There are times I just want to crawl within myself and scream and cry and hit out…"

"…but you don't. And look at me! I'm a wreck. I can't control these emotions!" Jack started to sob.

"You're not used to them, sir. Women experience emotions differently then men. Give it time. You'll get used to them."

"I don't want to have to get used to them Carter!" Jack exploded. His hands balled up on Carter's chest and he pounded them against the broad muscles. "I'm not supposed to be a woman! I'm not supposed to cry or have menopause or enjoy being pinned against a wall!"

"You enjoyed that, sir?" Sam asked softly, look at Jack tenderly.

"Forget I said that." Jack sniffled and waved a hand in the air, dismissing it. "I'm supposed to be in control and rational and mature."

"You, sir? Mature?" Disbelief tinged Sam's voice.

"Okay, forget I said that, too."

"Is there anything else you're supposed to be or do, sir?"

"Yes! I'm supposed to be the alpha leader. The initiator. To take what **I **want…not give what **you** want. I'm supposed to be the man here. I'm not supposed to be attracted to a man...even though I know it's you. I mean, I'm totally a guy's guy...really into women...and here I am crying and wanting to take..."

"Sir?" Carter's voice was confused.

"This! I want to take this!"

Jack leaned up a bit out of Carter's embrace and pulled her mouth down onto his. His tongue demanded entrance, a wish Sam was only too happy to grant. Her arms tightened around his slim waist and pulled him closer.

* * *

A/N : Virago, you have a point about Jack's orientation...however, it's **Sam**. Genders aside, the connection between is still there...at least in my little fanfic world. 


	7. Chapter 7

A/N : We now resume our regularly scheduled fanfic. Starts off with some SJ "ficlics" of their time off-base. Originally, this was slated to be two different chapters, but I opted to merge them into one larger chapter. I hope you don't mind the extra reading assignment. Tends to be a little on the fast-paced side of things...not a lot of details...trying to show the passage of time.

Let's quickly discuss the whole science behind the terms "gender" and "sex". Like Jack, I don't know it. I don't claim to know it. Unlike Jack, however, I don't have an expert on my team to constantly remind me of my inadequacies (that's what reviews are for +lol+). So, I hearby promise to try and keep my scientific gaffes to a minimum...just bear with me folks...pretty please...

I'm doing my darndest to keep this at a T-rating...I could oh-so-easily slip this up to M if I didn't delete all of those extra scenes. I'll need to make up for this somehow. How about a fanfic based on a fanfic?

And on a side note, Michael Shanks will be at Toronto Trek this weekend on Sunday, July 9 only! Unfortunately, yours truly has made other plans but if anyone goes, I'd love to hear all about it!

**

* * *

Day 4 (pm) **

_Okay, so Sam can kiss…wow...mmm…did I just moan?_

_Holy Hannah…Jack's got an amazing mouth…and tongue…and did he just moan?_

The two SG-1 members separated and stared at each other.

"You know, that's not quite how I thought this would be." Jack murmured.

Sam nodded silently.

"Granted, I'm not complaining."

Sam nodded again.

"Are you capable of speech, Carter."

She started to nod, but Jack glared at her.

"Yes…yes, sir." She managed to say. "That was…umm…"

"I know." Jack grinned and wiggled a bit. "Your sidearm is getting in the way again."

Sam frowned.

"What's wrong, Carter?"

"Besides the fact that I have a sidearm and I'm not supposed to, sir?"

"Good point." Jack conceded, leaning into Sam's embrace. "But one thing hasn't changed…this…us…feelings…"

"And leaving it in the room, sir?" Sam sighed and gently pushed Jack off of her. She stood up and paced the room, running a hand through her hair.

"Let's face it, sir. We don't exactly have a normal relationship…" She started.

"Yeeaahh…" Jack drawled. "And this whole concept of breast-swapping pretty much solidifies that state. Personally, I think they look better on you than on..."

Sam glared at him.

"Right…shutting up." Jack sat up perfect straight and crossed his angles.

Sam looked confused.

"Crossing at the angles instead of the knees means that one of my legs won't fall asleep." Jack explained his child-like logic.

Sam shook her blonde head.

"Sir, this is just…"

"Confusing. Strange. Weird. Abnormal." Jack offered. "I think I have a thesaurus around here somewhere."

He stood up and took hold of Sam's arms to still her pacing.

"Sam, we are strange. Look at what we've done…seen…experienced. I'm not saying I'm happy with this whole concept being a woman, but I'll admit to being relieved that not everything has been changed."

"The regs haven't changed either, sir."

"We are on leave." He suggested.

"We are on base." She argued back.

"Stop looking for an excuse, Sam. Let's just have some fun, like the General said. No pressure…no strings attached…"

"Isn't that supposed to the man's line?"

"Hey, I still wear the pants in this relationship."

"And they look better on you now, sir." Sam smiled slightly.

* * *

They left the base in his truck and found a quiet little mom-and-pop café to have a light lunch. 

"Are you two going to the fair?" The waitress with Marge Simpson blue hair asked as she poured them each a cup of coffee.

"Fair?" Jack asked.

"Yeah…it's the fall fair, just outside of town. I entered in my zucchini relish again…it won first place last year."

"Are there rides?" Sam asked.

"Oh yes!" The waitress replied, smiling at them. "Rides and games and live entertainment. At dusk, there's a dance and afterwards fireworks."

"Sounds like fun." Jack acknowledged and looked at Sam. "Interested?"

She nodded.

A ding was heard.

"Oh, that's my husband letting me know your orders are ready!"

* * *

"Sam, I don't think there's room for all three of us in this seat." Jack protested. 

"Nonsense! Besides, it took me a while to win that giraffe and we're not going to leave him here and run the risk of him being taken. I think George wants to come home with us."

Jack liked the thought of 'home' and 'us' in the same context as Sam, but he kept his mouth shut on that topic. No pressure. No strings.

"George?" He asked instead.

Sam nodded as she climbed into the ferris wheel seat beside Jack, who managed to get the giraffe in on the other side of him.

"He looks like a George." Carter said firmly.

"Don't you think the General will mind?"

"Do you have a better name for him?" Sam argued.

Jack looked at the stuffed giraffe who gazed out on the world as the ferris wheel started. He shook his head.

"George it is." He smiled. "Thanks for winning him."

"My pleasure." Sam replied.

The two SG-1 officers enjoyed the almost-sunset moment in silence, as the ride rose up and began its descent only to rise up again.

Time flew by, slowing down only for moments of shared cotton candy, wiping ketchup off of their faces from hot dogs and the occasional ride.

"Are you interested in going to the dance, sir?" Carter asked.

"What did I say about the sir on the ride over here, Carter?" Jack replied.

"Sorry…dance?"

"What about George?"

"No…I think he'll want to lead. We could put him in the car." Sam suggested.

* * *

"Uh…speaking of leading, Carter…" Jack looked around him and the barn as a slow country ballad played. "Who leads with us?" 

"Well, I'm taller and the guy…"

"Do you know how to lead, Carter?" Jack asked.

Sam quirked an eyebrow at him as if to question her C.O.'s sanity. She grabbed Jack's hand and led him out on to the floor. Placing an arm around his waist, she pulled him in closer. Jack looked up at her.

"I think a more important question," Sam started, "is whether or not you can follow."

As the music played and lyrics talked about some friends being more than friends, Jack sighed. Sam's arms felt wonderful around him and he snuggled in closer.

Sam's embrace tightened as she nosed Jack's hair and inhaled.

Okay, so they received a few odd stares – probably due to their age difference – but right now, they didn't care, they just wanted to make the most of the time they had together.

* * *

"This is the last song, folks, and then we're starting the fireworks. Find that special someone – if you haven't already – and lead them out onto the floor." 

"Jack…care to dance?" Sam asked quietly as they sat a table enjoying the evening.

"Love to." Jack stood up, as Motley Crue's "Home Sweet Home" began to play. Not exactly a country love song, but appropriate nevertheless.

Stepping into Sam's arms was beginning to feel very natural to Jack. Yes, physically she was taller and more muscular, but it was still Sam and there was no other place that Jack wanted to be.

"Jack, I know you said no strings, no pressure…" Sam spoke up quietly.

"Hmm mmm…" Jack hummed with his head resting on Sam's shoulder.

"But I need to do this…"

"What?" Jack looked up.

"This."

Sam took Jack's chin in her fingers and grazed his mouth with her own.

Jack hummed again, but his time in pleasure. Sam's tongue ran along his lower lip, asking for permission to enter. Jack moved closer to Sam and opened his mouth.

Vaguely, Jack heard the lyrical line "My heart's like an open book" and realized how true that was for him towards Sam.

Being with Sam, in her arms, kissing her was like finally finding his home…a place where he belonged. He reached up and tugged gently on Sam's hair.

She grinned and tightened her grip on his waist.

Unfortunately, all too soon, the song came to an end and the lights began to brighten signifying the end of the dance.

"Fireworks?" Sam asked.

"Oh, god, yeah, there are." Jack said, still stunned by his feelings.

Sam bit her lower lip to keep from grinning.

"Oh, right…those fireworks…yeah, they're cool, too." Jack blushed.

* * *

**Day 4 pm (but somewhere else…let's give Jack and Sam some privacy, shall we?)**

"I brought you some coffee." Daniel piped up as he entered Janet's medical lab.

"Thanks, but it's not going to help me get the results any faster."

"I know…I thought you could use a break." Daniel shrugged. "And I figured the odds of me getting you to leave the lab were next to nil."

"You figured right."

"Staring at the numbers won't help you get the results any faster." Daniel pointed out. "Besides, we really can't progress any further until Teal'c gets back."

Janet looked guilty.

"You're working on something else aren't you?" Daniel accused softly. "A Plan B, as Jack would say?"

The doctor nodded.

"Something that, in case Teal'c's search comes up empty, will slow this down?" He asked.

Janet nodded again.

"I'm sorry, Daniel. I'm not being pessimistic…"

"Just realistic. I understand." Daniel smiled and stepped closer to hug Janet. "Thank you."

Janet blushed.

"So, how about a short coffee break and we can talk about how I can help you."

"There's not much you can do, Daniel."

He shrugged.

"Okay, let's talk about us." He grinned.

"Us?"

"Us." Daniel nodded. "You're being realistic…I'm being optimistic."

Janet frowned, confused.

"When I'm back to normal, I was wondering if you'd like to go out…you know, supper, movie, dancing, coffee, look-out point…"

"Are you asking me out on a date, Doctor Jackson?" Janet fought back a smile and looked stern.

Daniel paused, suddenly unsure of the degree of Janet's feelings.

"Ummm…yes?" He said with a questioning tone.

"That didn't sound very decisive." Janet remarked.

"Yes." Daniel nodded firmly.

"Yes." Janet grinned.

"Yes?" Daniel asked, hopefully.

"Yes." Janet confirmed.

Daniel returned the grin and stepped in hug Janet.

"Yay…yes." He hugged her tighter. "It pays to be an optimist."

"Yes." Janet laughed.

Klaxons blared.

"Unscheduled off-world activation of the stargate!" Walter blared almost as loudly.

"Gotta run!" Daniel kissed Janet's cheek.

"I'm coming with you. It could be Teal'c!"

Daniel grabbed Janet's hand and they ran to the command room.

* * *

"It's Jacob Carter, sir." Water announced to General Hammond. 

"Open the iris." Hammond ordered, feeling a pit of dread forming in his stomach.

"Yes, sir."

The metal iris rotated open and the familiar burst of "spatial water" lunged forward before receding into the calm gate of the wormhole.

The familiar and respected form of Jacob Carter emerged.

He smiled a greeting at Hammond behind the glass. The General nodded back.

The gateroom doors opened, admitting Daniel and Janet. They stopped immediately upon seeing Jacob.

"Ah, Doctor Frasier. It is nice to see you again." Jacob said.

Daniel dropped Janet's hand.

_Uh oh._

Jacob looked at the woman beside Doctor Frasier. Soft brown hair, blue eyes and rather intellectual looking. If it wasn't for the spark of humour in those eyes, Jacob would have thought this woman to be rather bookwormish.

He stepped forward, hand extended. A human characteristic was needed now and Selmac remained in his mental shadows.

"Hello, I am Jacob Carter."

Daniel took Jacob's hand.

"I…uh…know. I'm Doctor Jackson." He stammered.

Jacob tilted his head to one side, pondering this.

"Any relation to Daniel Jackson."

"Oooh…umm…you could say that." Daniel admitted, smiling at some internal joke.

Jacob looked puzzled.

General Hammond entered the gateroom.

"Jacob, it's wonderful to see you again." He boomed, trying to get Jacob's attention off of Daniel. "Why don't we get a cup of coffee and let these two doctors get back to business."

The General started to lead Jacob from the gateroom.

Jacob frowned, confused. Selmac made her presence known to him.

_Something is up._

Jacob mentally acknowledged that.

"I was hoping to see my daughter, General."

"Uh…she's off base right now." The General thought about lying, saying Sam was off-world, but couldn't bring himself to do that.

"Can you contact her?"

"We can try."

"That Doctor Jackson must be related to Daniel Jackson. They look so much alike."

Hammond just smiled weakly and led Jacob to his office.

* * *

Daniel and Janet watched the two men leave. 

"Phew!" Daniel breathed a sigh of relief. "That was close."

"He's going to want to see Sam." Janet stated.

"Oh boy." Daniel grimaced.


	8. Chapter 8

A/N : We now resume our regularly scheduled fanfic…a tad on the short side.

* * *

**Day 4 – pm (dark outside now…)**

Sam and Jack sat on a picnic table, enjoying the pyrotechnic display. Jack shivered.

"Cold flash?" Sam asked concerned.

"Dunno." Jack replied, glum at the prospect of the age difference again. He just couldn't win when it came to Sam. Her C.O. as a man. And her C.O. and menopause as a woman. Did the gods just not like him?

_Well, the fake ones certainly don't!_

"Here." Sam draped an arm over Jack's shoulders and pulled him close.

"You're like a portable heater!" Jack commented, resting his head against Sam's shoulder.

"That's why we women like to snuggle with you guys." Sam pointed out. "You didn't think it was because you meant something to us, did you?"

Jack looked up, stunned.

"Kidding, Jack!" Sam laughed and kissed him lightly on the lips. "Now enjoy."

"I was, but you stopped." Jack protested.

Sam laughingly shook her head and felt her phone vibrate.

"Hold that thought." She said as she looked at the caller id before flipping the phone open. "Hello, General."

BANG! BOOM! POP! WHIIIIZZZ! BANG!

Oooooh. Aaaaahh.

SWISH! BANG! WHOOP! WHEEEEEE...BOOM!

Applause.

"No, sir, not a war zone…fireworks."

Sam listened carefully.

Even in the dark, Jack could see her pale. He took hold of her free hand.

"I see, sir. We'll be in as soon as possible….yes…we…Ja…Colonel O'Neill is with me…of course, sir."

Sam hung up.

"He blast you for saying 'we', Sam?" Jack asked, concerned.

"Nope. Said that it was a good idea that we were together for moral support."

"Well, he's not that far off."

Sam looked at him in disbelief.

"We are together…supporting each other…and anything that happened is…"

"A fringe benefit, sir?" Sam asked hoarsely.

"I was going to say a pleasant and beneficial side-effect." Jack glared at her.

"Oh."

"What else did The Man want?" Jack asked coolly, rather put-out that Sam thought so little of him.

"We need to return to the base."

"Teal'c's back so soon?" Jack asked stunned.

"No. My father is here."

* * *

Opting not to change into their uniforms first, Jack and Sam entered the briefing room, where the General sat with Jacob. On the way there, however, they had also picked up Janet and Daniel, who was nervously gnawing on a finger nail in Janet's lab. 

Jacob looked at the strangers in puzzlement. He recognized Doctor Frasier and the woman who shared Daniel's last name.

"General, while I am honoured that you wish to introduce me to new staff, I really was hoping to see Sam."

"Hi, Dad."

Jacob looked at the blonde man standing in the doorway beside an attractive older woman.

_I'm jealous, Jacob!_

_Hey, I can look, can't I?_

_Yes, you can look…but no touching!_

_Ah, if circumstances had been different…_

_Although, it would be interesting to watch you two in the interest of research…_

_Selmac!_

"Do I know you?" Jacob asked the man quietly.

"It's me, Dad."

"Please excuse me, but to my knowledge I have not fathered any sons other than Sam's brother."

Jacob looked at the woman beside the man claiming Jacob as his 'Dad'. The grey hair, the dark eyes…familiar.

"Hi, Jacob." Jack said.

Jacob blinked.

"Gonna say something, Dad?" Jack asked, grinning.

"I think I need to sit down." Jacob whispered.

"Uh, you are sitting down, Dad." Sam pointed out.

"I think I need a drink." Jacob countered quietly.

"That I can do." Hammond reached over to the cabinet behind him and pulled out a decanter filled with amber liquid.

Jack stared.

_So he **does** have a secret stash!_

Before the General had a chance to reach for glasses, Jacob grabbed the decanter and took a not-so-delicate swig.

"I needed that…before saying this…" Jacob gasped as the fiery liquid burned its way into his stomach. "Sam? Jack?"

The blonde man and older woman nodded.

Jacob looked at the woman standing beside Janet.

"Daniel?"

Daniel waved and smiled.

"Hello again, Jacob."

"So…umm…what's happened since my last visit?" Jacob asked weakly, reaching for the decanter again.

Hammond snatched it away from him and instead poured him a couple of fingers into a glass.

Nodding his thanks, Jacob tossed that back quickly.

"Oh, not much." Jack shrugged. "We had a small rat problem a few weeks back, but took care of that pretty quickly. The commissary had an awesome casserole the next day. We've repainted the parking lot lines so that people know where and how to park their cars. Not that that's helped Daniel much. Other than that, pretty much status quo around here. Anything new on your side?"

Jacob stared wide-eyed at SG-1 and shook his head negatively.

"No…I…uh…just thought I'd pay Sam a visit."

"It's nice to see you again, Dad." Sam said softly.

Jacob licked his lips. He opened his mouth…closed it…opened it…closed it…and licked his lips again.

"So…uh…" He started helplessly.

"Please, sir, allow me to explain." Janet piped up. Her heart went out to this man.

Stunned, Jacob Carter sat and listened to what had happened to SG-1…and more importantly, to his daughter.

* * *

"Perhaps if we contact the Asgard, they can offer assistance." Jacob suggested. 

"Do they have gender modifying technology?" Sam asked.

"I don't know. But considering that they can create a body, a shell, that is empty and then place a consciousness in it…well, this should be child's play." Jacob mused.

"It's a possibility." Sam nodded at the General.

"Well, while Jacob contacts our friends, I've gotta pee." Jack pushed himself away from the table and stood up.

"Which…uhh…." Jacob paused.

"Oh don't worry, Dad, we've got the whole bathroom thing figured out. I've just got to remember to sit and wipe instead of stand and shake."

Jack left the room.

Jacob stared at Sam who grinned and shrugged.

"He's right, Dad. Standing up does save a lot of time." She remarked.

Jacob paled.

"If you'll excuse me, I think I'll get changed." Sam left the room.

"So…" Daniel started awkwardly.

"So." Jacob replied.

"So…how's things?"

* * *

Sam found Jack in the bathroom, sitting on the floor, curled up and shaking. 

She wondered when he would break.

"Jack?" She reached out tentatively. "Jack?"

He looked up and, instead of tears, Sam found he was laughing.

"Oh. My. God. Sam." Jack was having a difficult time breathing. "Did you see his face! Priceless! I thought he was going to have a stroke!"

A fit of giggles ensued.

Jack stopped, confused at his own giggling.

"Sir, what did you say about giggling?"

"Aw, come on Sam…that doesn't apply to me."

"It was funny, sir." Sam admitted, sitting on the floor beside Jack.

"And did you see how he reacted when Janet told him about my menopause and Daniel's ability to bear children!"

Jack burst out into another round of laughter. Sam joined him.

"I thought the whole story about my needing the clip board for protection was going to kill him." Sam panted out.

"Oh, man…can't breathe!" Jack hugged his sides.

Daniel entered the bathroom.

"Are you two okay?" He asked concerned.

"Oh yeah…peachy, Daniel!" Jack gasped. "Come join us and tell us what the funniest moment of that whole meeting was."

Daniel chuckled softly.

"It had to be bra shopping story."

"Oh yeah!" Sam crowed. "I'll bet Dad was trying to picture Jack in that push-up bra!"

The laughing stopped.

"EWW!" All three grimaced.


	9. Chapter 9

A/N : I'm blushing...seriously blushing. So many awesome reviews! I'm just giddy!

Out of curiousity, is it Selmac with a 'c' or a 'k'? I'm going to continue using 'c' until told otherwise or gently slapped on the back of head (hey!...I said gently).

ProudAthena - Goddess, what an amazing idea you have! I'll see what can do to work that in. If successful, hilarity is bound to happen!

MEPutney - The song is totally appropriate and I've tried to work it into a chapter (no...not this one...you'll just have to keep reading...yes, I'm cruel).

* * *

**Day 5 – am (really, really early…like just past midnight)**

"If the Asgards received the message, it could take them a few hours to reach Earth." Jacob explained to his 'daughter' as they enjoyed a late cup of coffee in the commissary.

"That's okay, Dad. You tried and that's what means the most to us. Besides, there's no guarantee that they can help."

"How **are** you doing, Sam?" Jacob leaned forward, concern visibly etched on his face even in the late night lighting of the common room.

"Surprisingly well. I feel frustrated and like everything is out of my control, which it is, but I'm just rolling with the punches."

"Daniel?"

"Other than the constant fear that he's going to start menstruating, he's doing okay."

Jacob grimaced at the thought, but opted not to comment on that particular topic. It still made him queasy to think about it.

"And Jack?"

"The Colonel is dealing with his change the best way he can." Sam said simply.

"You arrived together and out of uniform, Sam…" Selmac spoke.

Sam grinned softly.

"Yeah, we did."

"Anything you wish to tell us?" The symbiot asked.

"No. We're just trying to deal with this as best as we can."

"He's not taking advantage of you, is he?" Selmac asked, concerned.

Sam's grinned widened.

"Isn't it usually the guy who does that?" She joked.

The host body shook his head in disbelief at the whole situation.

Jacob resumed control of the body.

"So, what happened again? Jack touched the wall and you all were changed?" He asked, trying to figure out the puzzle.

Sam nodded.

"For all we know, his touch triggered some biological function within the cavern. Hopefully, Teal'c will return with more answers."

"Hey, kids!" Jack entered the room. Jacob blinked. Green BDU pants and…uh…wow...Jacob felt something stir within him...something he hadn't felt since...

"Sweet little tank top number, sir." Sam grinned.

"Yeah, thought you'd like it." Jack smiled back and looked down. "Although, I don't know what your military-issue bra is doing, but it certainly isn't doing the same thing as blue one you picked out!"

Sam eyed Jack's chest carefully.

_Easy there, fella!...woah...down boy!...I said **down!**...crap...does it always have a mind of its own!_

Jacob cleared his throat.

"Looks good, Jack." He said in a tight voice. Sam stared at her father in shock.

"I was thinking more like 'impressive', but I'll take 'good'." The Colonel fluttered his eyelashes at Jacob and poured himself a cup of coffee. He joined the pair. "Soooo…whatcha kids talking about?"

"Just catching up, sir." Sam replied, almost wishing her C.O. wasn't here.

"Yeah, guess there is a fair amount to do." He remarked absently, holding his mug between his two delicate hands. He held his hands up in front of his face. "You know, it's strange. I have a hard time seeing these hands fighting the goa'uld…I know how, it's all in my head…but these hands look so damned delicate."

"Are you sure that you will remain with the SGC, Jack?" Selmac asked bluntly.

"Huh?" Jack blinked.

"While it is true that you have the knowledge and the memories of Jack O'Neill, that body may not be capable of handling the…situations…that the Colonel finds **himself** in."

Jack's eyes narrowed.

"While I have no doubt that you're capable mentally, I doubt that the female body could handle the extreme situations that the male body did."

"Hey, I did just fine!" Sam protested on Jack's defense.

"You are a trained female soldier…" Selmac replied.

"As I am." Jack glared.

"No, Jack…you are a trained male soldier who is now a female."

"Just because my bra size is a lot larger doesn't mean I can't kill you." Jack snarled.

The host body smiled gently.

Klaxons blared and Walter's voice announced the activation of the gate.

The three raced up to the control room.

* * *

Janet and Daniel had beat them there, hoping that Teal'c had returned. 

"Incoming message from the Asgard." The sergeant announced. "Text only."

Daniel leaned down and read the monitor.

"The Asgard are aware of the situation and will be here shortly." He stood up and sighed. "They don't say if they can help or not."

"Great." Jack pouted. "We don't if they have a cure or if they're coming to see the freak show. We should charge them admission."

"Colonel..." The General warned.

"Come on, sir." Jack pouted. "We need to do something to liven this place up. My team is going insane."

"At least I haven't confined you to your quarters or worse, the infirmary."

"Good point." Jack conceded.

"I suggest your team get some rest, Colonel." Hammond stated gently.

Jack nodded.

_Orders masked as a suggestion. How does he do that?_

"If you need anything to help you relax…" The General started.

_Pills, needles…scented candles…fluffy pillows…satin sheets…silky rose petals...foot rub…_

The Texan left the room quickly.

Jacob stared at the fast-departing back of the General.

"Is he okay?" The Tok'ra asked the team.

"He's got the hots for Jack and that whole frat rule thing is getting in the way." Daniel remarked with a silly grin on his face.

"Daniel!" Jack barked.

"The frat rules are there for a reason, sir." Janet explained to Jacob softly, playing along with Daniel's joke. "But the Colonel wouldn't be the first to break them…as long as he didn't get caught."

"Janet!" Sam glared at the doctor and almost now-former-friend. "The Colonel has too much regard for the rules!"

"Besides the two glaringly obvious facts that (a) I'm a guy and (b) I don't play for that team...I have been known to break a rule or two, Carter!" Jack turned on Sam.

"Not that one, sir." Sam said glumly.

"Hey, what about last ni…"

"Sir!" Sam's eyes widened in panic.

Jack's mouth snapped shut. He glared at Sam.

Walter really wanted to jam his fingers into his ears and start humming loudly.

Siler looked up from his collection of wire spools which he was currently sorting by colour and grimaced.

"So…" Jacob cleared his throat.

Daniel grinned.

"Come on, Daniel. I have something I want to show you in the lab." Janet turned to leave.

"Words I've been longing to hear." Daniel happily followed. "I'll show you mine if you show me yours."

Jack and Sam stared at each other.

"So…" Jacob cleared his throat again. "I think I'll just go and…uh…umm…just go…"

Neither of the pair noticed him leave.

Walter turned and stared at Siler, his eyes begging the other non-com to help find a way to get the two officers out of the gateroom.

Siler shrugged.

Sam blinked first.

"I'm going." She said.

"That's a good idea." Jack replied.

Hurt blue eyes stared at impassive dark brown eyes.

* * *

Jack aimlessly wandered the corridors of SGC. 

He rounded a corner and bumped into Jacob.

"Sorry." The Tok'ra said and caught himself noticing Jack's eyes.

_Impassive. Cold. Unfeeling._

_You're wrong, Jacob. He feels…too much…and is hiding behind the walls which he finds so comfortable._

_What is he hiding from?_

_Are you sure you wish to know, Jacob?_

_Yes!_

_Other than his fear that he will remain in this form for the rest of his life, he fears losing something more precious than his masculinity._

_His ego?_

Amusement within.

_No…his ego is part of his masculinity. Something more dear._

_Tell me before I zat you!_

More amusement within.

_He fears losing Sam._

_What?_

_It is obvious to all except you that they hold each other in the highest order._

_Of course! They're a team._

_These two are more than team-mates on SG-1, Jacob. They are soul-mates. But Sam is right. Jack won't break that rule…not without good reason…and not because of his career. He worries more what it would to Sam's life. He would gladly sacrifice his own if it meant protecting your daughter._

"Jack…" Jacob touched the arm of the woman in front of him.

"Yeah?" A neutral response. Not a good sign…but not a bad one either.

"Look, I know that you and Sam are friends…"

Jack shrugged off Jacob's touch.

"Your point, General Carter?"

The symbiot recognized that that definitely was not a good sign.

"Look, everyone knows…"

"Everyone knows what?" An arched eyebrow and a very cold response.

"SGC…we…humanity…can't handle you and Sam like this."

"You think **I** enjoy being a woman?" Jack spat out.

"I wasn't referring to your sex, Jack." Jacob pointed out. "I was referring to the tension between the two of you. Work it out. Get it out of your systems. I don't care…but get it fixed."

Jack blinked.

"You better care…Dad." He hissed. "Because if we were to 'get it out of our systems', one or both of us would lose our career. Typically, it's the woman…although, in this case, who knows how that would play out."

"I'm not saying to have sex with Sam!" Jacob nearly shouted.

A passing crewman stared. Jack and Jacob shot looks at him that had the young man scurrying down the corridor.

"That's good to know, Jacob…I'd really hate to think that you were throwing your daughter at me." Jack said smoothly. "And I think she'd hate it more."

"Look, Jack…just work it out…find a solution…and that probably means you're going to need to speak with her."

"Why? Can't I think up a solution on my own?" Jack asked, hurt.

Jacob pursed his lips and merely stared at Jack.

"Okay, okay." Jack held his hands up in surrender. "Carter is the guru when it comes to solutions. I just like to shoot things."

* * *

"Whatcha want to show me?" Daniel asked in a little girl sing-song voice. 

Janet just shook her head.

"I thought we needed to clear out of there and fast." She replied.

Daniel trapped her against a table. His arms effectively trapped the smaller of the two women against the metal frame.

"You little vixen...playing coy...teasing me like that." He pouted. "And here I was thinking I was about to have the best discovery of my archaeological career."

Janet thought about pushing against Daniel's chest, but a quick reminder of his body nipped that idea in the bud...buds...

_Ooooh...bad pun, Janet._

"Are you saying I'm old?" She asked playfully.

"Hardly."

"Musty?"

Daniel leaned and ran his nose up and down Janet's neck, inhaling her scent.

"Definitely not."

"So what are you saying?"

"I'm saying that we had better find a damn cure and soon." He growled in frustration. "Because I don't know how much longer I can keep my hands off of you. See what happens when I finally admit something to myself?"

"You go after it will all of your pent-up...passion." Janet sighed the last word.

Daniel nodded.

"And while I'm completely game to figure out how to use that passion in this body, there is nothing I want more than to put my hands on your waist, pull you in closer to me, feel you against me and watch your face as you feel my arousal against you."

The petite doctor gulped and closed her eyes at the mental images Daniel's words were painting for her.

* * *

Sam pummeled the punching bag. 

_I hate him!_

WHUMP!

_I love him!_

WHUMP! WHUMP!

_He's a pain in the ass!_

THUMP! THUD!

_He's got a great ass!_

WHACK!

"Would it help if I pasted my picture on the bag?" Jack asked softly behind her.

"No. I'm doing a great job on my own imagining it there…sir." Sam replied without turning around. She pummeled the bag a few more times.

"I brought jello…blue." Jack offered.

"Your point, sir?"

"Hey, if I can touch the bowl containing this perverse colour, surely that means something." He protested.

"It means that you don't want to say the words, sir." Sam's right first connected with the leather bag loudly.

Jack sighed.

"You're right." He took a deep breath. "Okay, I'm sorry. I'm sorry this happened. I'm sorry for crossing the lines. I'm sorry for hiding behind the regs."

Sam turned to look at Jack.

"Are you really sorry that the lines were crossed?" She asked softly, unsure if she wanted to hear the truth.

Jack noticed the lack of the word 'sir'.

He took a step closer.

"No. Are you?"

She took a step closer and inwardly breathed a sigh of relief.

"No. Should I be?"

He took a step closer.

"No. Can we go somewhere private and talk?"

She took a step closer.

"My quarters are closer."

He took a step closer. The bowl of jello was all that separated them.

Sam took his hand and quickly they made their way to her quarters.


	10. Chapter 10

A/N : For those of you practically begging for them to be cured…don't worry, we're getting there. Patience, young Jedis...oops, wrong storyline. And Teal'c's point of view will be coming up shortly.

**Day 5 – am (no sun in sight yet, though)**

They made the trip to Carter's quarters without seeing another body. It was, after all, still night shift and minimal staff was present. More significantly, however, was the fact that they made the trip without saying a word. Each was lost in their own thoughts.

"Carter…Sam…." Jack started as she closed the door behind them.

Sam held a finger up to her lips and signaled for Jack for remain near the doorway. Walking over to her computer, she sat down and started to enter a program.

A moment later she stood up.

"Okay…we're good." She said, grinning mischievously.

"What did you do?" Jack asked.

"Hacked into the camera feed. Right now, security is getting a lovely movie of me getting ready for bed."

"You did what?" Jack feigned shock. "Wait a sec here, Carter. If you can hack into the feed…ummm…you haven't...by any chance...hacked into my signal?"

The mischievous grin grew wider.

"Don't worry, sir." Sam chuckled. "I won't tell anyone about the teddy bear stashed away in your desk."

"Hey! It's not a teddy bear!" Jack protested. "It's a souvenir."

"Yes, sir. We all like to stroke and cuddle with souvenirs." Sam rolled her eyes playfully.

"Well, I would much rather stroke and cuddle something else, but apparently she was too busy hacking into my camera feed." Jack shot back.

"Now's your chance…sir…Jack."

"You know," Jack paused, giving an idea some serious thought. "I like the sound of that…sir Jack."

Sam stalked closer.

"Shall I pay homage to you, Sir Jack?"

"Oh, by all means…go wild…go crazy…"

"In that case, we'll need some background noise." Sam leaned over and turned on the radio.

Jack stopped at the song playing. He winced at the words.

_How damnably ironic!_

"Sounds like they're playing our song." He mused.

…_.Forgive me if I seem outta line_

_Then she whipped out her gun_

_And tried to blow me away_

_Dude looks like a lady_

_Dude looks like a lady_

"Remember when I was taken over by the alien computer, sir?" Sam asked softly, leading Jack over to her bunk.

He nodded.

"You shot me…or rather my body…knowing that I would rather die than be held hostage like that. I never asked how you felt." She ran her thumb around Jack's delicate wrist.

Jack sighed.

"I never…**never**…want to have to go through that again." He grinned. "Although, knowing our team, we will…"

Sam laughed softly.

"But it shows that you know me…Jack…"

…_love put me wise to her love in disguise_

_She had the body of a Venus_

_Lord imagine my surprise_

_Dude looks like a lady_

_Dude looks like a lady_

"You are very attractive and beautiful, Jack O'Neill" Sam whispered.

He shivered. Part of him wanted to believe that if they crossed the line that they had steadfastly drawn between themselves for the past few years now, it wouldn't matter once a cure was found. But part of him wanted more…wanted this to mean something. He didn't want to listen to Jacob's advice and get this…get Sam…out of his system. He wanted Sam in his system.

_Baby let me follow you down_

_Do me do me do me all night_

Sam's lips touched Jack's and all thoughts of rules and regs and systems and careers and gender issues went out the door. She slid her hands up under the sweet tank top number and pulled it over Jack's head. Before she could think, Jack's hands were removing the BDU jacket and the t-shirt shortly followed.

They stared at each other. Each knowing, in the back of their minds, that they were staring at the body of the sex they weren't attracted to, but also each was comfortable knowing that this was someone they wanted to be with.

"Now what?" Jack whispered. "I know what I would normally do here, but…"

Sam smiled gently and leaned down to do what Jack would have normally done.

_Oooh…what a funky lady_

_Oooh…she like it like it like it that_

Jack moaned and started to squirm.

Sam smiled against Jack's flesh and pulled him in closer. Jack's hands grabbed at Sam's broad shoulders.

_Oooh…he was a lady_

_Yewo…wak ak ak ak aow_

Jack inwardly gave thanks for the radio covering the sounds he was making. These feelings...sensations...were a lot different than what he was used to as a man.

_Dear god…what is Sam doing!...not complaining though...nope...no way...oh yeah!..._

Jack arched into the intimate touch.

"Too much clothing." Sam mumbled from her position.

"Don't talk with your mouth full." Jack chided, as his hands started to play with Sam's belt buckle.

* * *

General Hammond looked up to see Jacob standing in the doorway of his office. 

"Something on your mind, Jacob?" He asked gently.

"I bumped into Jack and told him and Sam to work it out…get it out of their systems." Jacob said, plopping himself down in a chair. "What have I done?"

George smiled.

"With those two, it could mean almost anything. Arm wrestling. Shooting contest. Yo-yo'ing at ten paces."

"George…I'm not completely blind. Although, as Sam's father, I wish I was sometimes."

The General pulled out the decanter – thankfully refilled by Walter – and poured each man a glass. They toasted each other in the air before sipping.

"I don't think anyone is blind to those two." George remarked. "But some of us choose to be. They've saved our butts and countless other butts so many times that I'm willing to look the other way…as long as it's not shoved into my face."

"How do you think they'll work this out?" Jacob asked worried.

"Don't know. Don't care…as long as neither of them ends up in the infirmary." George remarked. "I just want my team back."

"Speaking of which, if they are stuck like this what are the chances that they'll remain SG-1?"

George took another sip, declining to answer.

"That's what I thought." Jacob responded unhappily.

* * *

Jack stirred on the bunk to the feeling of being nuzzled and immediately noticed something moving slowly down his side. 

"That had better be your hand, Carter, and not a Replicator bug." He said.

"No worries, sir." Sam grinned into Jack's hair as her hand found something to play with just south of Jack's navel. Jack squirmed and pushed himself back into Sam's body.

"Hey…lookie what I found!" Jack laughed as his derriere arched further back.

"Two can play at that game!" Sam declared, flipping Jack over to face her.

"That a challenge, Carter?" Jack taunted.

"Why? You up for another lesson in angles of approach?" Sam returned fire.

"Bah, Carter." Jack rolled his eyes. "That lesson was like basic training…easy. Let's try something more advanced."

Jack pushed Carter back and straddled her.

"Ooh…inverse angles!" Sam declared. "Aren't you adventuresome?"

"Can we not bring math and work into bed?" He mockingly complained.

"Most people don't allow crackers and cookies…leave it to you to be different."

"Yeah, well, I'm worried you'll start to think…and I've declared this bed a no-thinking zone."

"Sir, has anyone ever told you that you talk too much?"

Jack's eyes widened innocently.

"Really? That's why we're so good together. You think. I talk."

"I can think of something else we do pretty good together that doesn't involve thinking or talking." Sam replied, rolling her hips.

Jack grinned, repositioning him against Sam.

"Yeah…we didn't do too badly the first time around…"

"Jack…you're talking again…"

"Sorry…"

"Mmm…hmmm….oh wow…Jack…."

* * *

A crew man was passing Sam's quarters and heard the music blaring Alicia Key's "A Woman's Worth" 

_Cause a real man, knows a real woman when he sees her_

_And a real woman knows a real man ain't afraid to please her_

_And a real woman knows a real man always comes first_

_And a real man just can't deny a woman's worth_

He stopped outside Major Carter's door to listen to the song and enjoy a brief moment of the outside life within SGC's walls.

Whipping his head up at the sounds, however, coming from within her quarters that were definitely not part of the song, the crewman quickly resumed his trek down the corridor…albeit a little faster.

* * *

"Ummm…Carter..." 

"My bed, Jack…can you call me Sam? Or else I'm going to have more of a personality conflict than I already have."

"Okay…ummm…Sam?"

"Uh huh."

"How did you know…umm…how to use…I mean, where to go…errrr…."

"Jack, I remember exactly what I wanted as a woman. The least I could do was give you that."

"Wow." Jack sighed.

"Yeah…wow. Now I understand why so many men have a certain problem."

"Problem?" The bunk creaked as Jack propped himself up on an elbow to look at Sam. "What problem?"

"You know…**problem**." Sam said slowly. "…Arriving early?"

Jack frowned.

"Who are these men? How do you know them? Why do you say it's their problem? Maybe you're the cause."

"Jack…" Sam sighed gently in mild frustration.

"I mean, if you weren't so damned beautiful and intelligent and funny…maybe they're worried they'll wake up and find out you were a dream. Granted…a really good dream…a 'the-sheets-need-changing' kind of dream."

"Jack!" Sam glared at Jack. "Can't you find something else to do with that mouth?"

"Such as?"

"Well, if I was you, I know what I would do…"

"Oh." Jack paused, a little startled.

_If Sam could show you what she wanted as a woman, the least you can do is return the favour, O'Neill._

* * *

Having had to return past Major Carter's quarters again, the crewman slowed down to see if he could catch a bit more of the radio.

"Holy...!"

"Oh yeah!...right there!"

"Where did you learn that!"

"I didn't know you had a mole there!"

The poor crewman picked up up his pace again...somethings were better left off unknown in his opinion.


	11. Chapter 11

A/N : Okay, there's a part in here that will be difficult to buy, I'm sure…Jack and Sam would never act like love-sick teenagers, but I'm at a loss on how to write them "the next morning".

* * *

**Day 5 (am…the rooster has crowed...the sun has ris'...do you know where your Stargate is?)**

Jack's spoon spun his froot loops around in the bowl of milk as he stared at Sam across the table from him. Oatmeal ignored, Sam grinned back. They sat alone at a large table. Every other person who entered the commissary for breakfast took one look at them and made a pointed attempt to sit and eat elsewhere…if not take their breakfast "to go".

The Colonel a woman. The Major a man. And they were staring at each other..and weird-like, too. Folks at SGC began to wonder if this was something contagious…or if there was a full moon that night…or if the apocalypse truly had arrived...or if Leonard Nimoy's latest album had gone platinum.

"Good morning." Daniel, oblivious to the stares, joined his team mates.

"Hmm." Was Jack's response.

"Yeah." Sam's response was a tad more eloquent.

"Okay." Daniel replied slowly, finally noticing the eye contact. "So, did you two have sex last night?"

"Huh?" Jack asked, blinking and turning to look at Daniel.

"I asked if you heard what the techs did last night."

"No." Sam replied dimly.

"I heard that they had 'techoroke'…karaoke but for the techs and non-comms only. Apparently, Siler won with his stirring rendition of 'Ballroom Blitz', but Walter gave him a run for his money with 'Timewarp'."

"And we weren't invited?" Janet asked as she sat down. "Sorry, overheard that part about the singing."

"Who was singing?" General Hammond approached with Jacob.

Quickly, Daniel explained his story again.

"Sounds like we have an SGC album in the making." Janet remarked. "What do you think, Sam?"

"Huh?" Sam shook her head and absently replied, "Sure…SGC…mating…sounds good…count me in."

She grinned at Jack.

"What?" Daniel blinked.

"Eh?" Jack started at Daniel's tone.

"Sam said mating." The archaeologist pointed out.

"I did?" Sam shook her head, trying to focus. "Slip of the tongue."

"And what a slippery tongue it is." Jack remarked.

"Jack!" Jacob barked.

"Hey, Dad." Jack waved vaguely down to Sam's father.

"Well, at least they're not fighting." Hammond remarked quietly.

"Do you think it is out of their system?" Jacob asked the General just as quietly.

George looked down the table to see Jack squirming in his seat. Sam appeared to be leaning slightly back in her chair. Daniel was making a Herculean effort not to stare down at Jack's lap…and what Sam's foot was doing in it.

"I believe so." The General replied. "How about we take our breakfast elsewhere?"

The two older men stood up to leave.

"General!" Daniel cried out as he hurried rose. "We'll join you. C'mon, Janet."

"Buh-bye." Sam and Jack called out dazedly.

"Sam." Jack asked quietly.

"Yes?"

"Do you still respect me?"

"More than ever, sir." Sam grinned. "Gives orders, can fire a rifle, knows 100 ways to kill a man, and apparently has memorized the kama sutra book."

"Hey, it had pictures…made it an easy read."

"No complaints here, sir."

"I'm waiting for the pop-up edition to be issued."

* * *

Sam frowned as she rolled down her sleeve. 

"I don't know if I have any more blood to give, Janet." She complained.

"Oh please." The doctor scoffed. "You're doing great."

Sam merely hmphed.

"So, you and the Colonel finally did something about your little problem…" Janet left the statement open-ended.

"Problem? What problem?" Sam asked innocently.

"Cut the crap with me, Sam…besides being your friend, I'm your doctor."

"Don't worry, Jack won't get pregnant."

"Ah hah! You did have sex!" The doctor crowed happily.

"Geez, Janet!" Sam glared at the shorter woman. "Could you shout it a bit louder? I don't think the residents in the next solar system quite heard you."

"Sorry." Janet had enough grace to blush. "'Bout time, girlfriend!"

"Yeah." Sam blushed.

"Well…"

"Well what?"

"How was it?"

"Is this Janet my friend asking or Janet my doctor?"

"Both…but it's a 60/40 split in favour of the friend." Came the sharp retort.

"Okay…it was…" Sam paused. "Wow…magnificent…unbelievable…who knew Jack knew so many…umm…positions…."

Janet blinked.

"Really?"

"Yeah, he had this one where I was kneeling and he wrapped his legs around my waist and…"

"Oh, I most definitely walked in a bad time." Daniel remarked as he entered the room.

"Yes, you did." Janet glared. "I was trying to get some pointers from Sam."

"Pointers?" Daniel arched an eyebrow. "I figure between your knowledge of the human body and my vast reading experience, we'll be able to show SGCs newest love birds a thing or two."

Sam looked back and forth between Daniel and Janet.

"Love birds?" She frowned. "You two…are you two…my god…you two are!..."

"Not yet." Janet admitted quietly.

"But how…when…what…" Sam shot a look at Daniel. "You had bad timing again, didn't you?"

The archaeologist shrugged innocently.

* * *

"But sir!" Jack protest loudly. 

"No buts, Colonel." Hammond replied firmly.

_I will not look at his..her…his chest…are the tank tops usually so tight?_

"We haven't heard from Teal'c and he's due back today."

"There could be some issues preventing him from communicating…"

"Which is exactly why we should investigate!"

"I said no, Colonel, and that's final."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"I can't persuade you to change your mind?"

"No."

_Yes…no…not going there…George…behave…_

"Seriously?"

"Yes."

"Final answer?"

"Yup."

"Care to use a…"

"No, I don't wish to use a life line, Colonel. You and no other member of the SGC is going to that planet until we hear back from Teal'c."

Jack pouted momentarily and then quickly turned his attention to Jacob. The Tok'ra had sat silently, watching the interplay between the two officers.

"Have I ever told you, Jacob, how wonderful brown looks on you?" Jack cooed. "You make it look so…earthy."

Jacob turned to stare at Jack.

_What the…?_

"Thank you, Jack." He stammered out.

"In fact…" Jack started to slowly…walk…his…fingers…up…Jacob's…arm. "It looks very manly on you. All those different shades of…brown."

Jacob's look turned to one of horror.

"Jack!" The General barked out the Colonel's name.

"Sir?" Jack countered with a feminine smile.

_I know that look. He's plotting. Damn woman. He's up to something._

"Let's go have a coffee, Jacob." Jack suggested. "We can discuss the results of last night's karaoke. You know, I'll bet that you're a wonderful dancer."

Jacob could feel Selmak's surprise.

_Jacob?_

_I don't know._

_Is he…?_

_I said I don't know._

_Sam?_

_What part of 'I don't know' do you not understand!_

Hurt.

_I'm sorry…but I think Jack's flirting with me!_

_It's a trick…ploy…_

_Ah, yes…Sam used to try being coy with me when she was younger._

Amusement at the memory.

_You could try turning the tables, as your kind says._

_What?_

_Flirt back._

"Actually, Jack, I've been told that I could put Fred Astaire to shame. My tango has left many women breathless."

Hammond stared at Jacob in shock.

Jack ran a finger up and down his neck, the age old body language of interest.

"Really? Perhaps you can…show me?"

The General gawked at Jack this time.

_I will not get jealous. This is Jack. I am his C.O. Besides…he's a man. Albeit, currently trapped a lovely woman's body…very lovely…with long legs, curvy waist, and soft bre…._

"Colonel, I don't what you're up to, but you're not leaving the SGC."

"Sir, I never…"

"You will not leave this complex…for P6X dash whatever or to any other location where you can use a stargate to transport to P6X dash whatever. You will stay here…even if I have to strap you down to a bed."

_Wrong image, George!_

"Why George, you didn't strike me as the kind of guy that would be into that kind of thing…" Jack all but purred as he left the room.

Jacob shook his head in disbelief.

_Are Jack's hips sashaying?_

"What was that?" Sam's father asked.

"I think we're beginning to see signs of their new sexes taking hold. Jack is manipulative as man…but manageable. As a woman…" George shivered.

"Men are doomed." Jacob acknowledged.

George nodded.

* * *

Klaxons and Walter blared at almost equal volumes. 

Hoping that the third time was the charm, Janet and Daniel ran to the control room.

Finally, Teal'c had come home…and all of his anatomy appeared unchanged.

The two doctors rushed into the gate room just ahead of Jack and Sam.

"Well?" The four practically shouted at him.

"It is good to be home." He stated.

"And?" Jack prompted.

"I kept my head down."

"Teal'c…" Daniel took a threatening step towards the former jaffa.

"Is there a problem, DanielJackson?"

"Please, Teal'c," Janet pleaded, "What did you find?"

"It would not be an efficient use of my time to tell you here and then repeat in the debriefing."

And with that, Teal'c left them in the gate room.

"Did he just…?" Jack started.

"Brush us off?" Daniel finished.

"Yes, sir." Sam replied.

"Not good." Janet remarked.

"What was that covering him?" Sam asked.

"Looked like a thin crust of mud and plant life." Daniel replied.

"Maybe he's gone to decrustify?" Jack suggested.

* * *

"Is everyone here that needs to be here?" Hammond looked around the table. 

There was a bright flash of light in the corner of the room.

"Greetings, General Hammond." Came the calm and melodious voice.

"Yup." Jack said. "Now everyone's here."

The little grey alien turned at the voice. His dark eyes widened at the sight of SG-1's state.

"While I understood Jacob Carter's message, I did not comprehend the extent of it until now."

"Yeah, it came as a shock to us, too, Thor." Jack remarked dryly.

"Your situation is indeed fascinating Colonel O'Neill."

"…Fascinating…that is exactly the word I used." Jack replied.

"Have you experienced any negative side effects?" Thor asked gently.

"Other than the obvious?" Jack shot back.

"Omph." Daniel moaned softly.

"Daniel?" Janet asked, worry tinged her voice.

"Mphh…" Daniel placed his hands on his hips while he sat. "I feel…strange."

"How strange?" Janet asked.

Jack's hand shot up into the air impatiently, like a kid who really wanted to answer the teacher's question.

"Ooh! Ooh! Can I answer this one…please?"

He was rewarded with a dirty from every occupant in the room…except Thor.

_Really, now, how does Thor show when he's pissed off, Jack? Does Thor get pissed off?_

"Daniel…how strange?" Janet repeated, concerned. "Where?"

"Stomach…weird." Daniel frowned and did an internal assessment of his state. "Not in pain…just feel weird and uncomfortable and warm and…"

Janet bit her lip.

"We should go to the infirmary." She said knowingly.

Sam nodded.

"Really, doctor, if he's not in pain, perhaps he should stay?" Hammond suggested. "It was probably something he ate."

"I don't believe so, sir." Janet replied.

"And do you have a theory?" The General asked.

"I do, sir."

"And?"

"And what, sir?"

"Please share your theory, doctor."

"I'd rather not, sir."

"Why?"

"Sir…please." Janet's voice was mildly pleading.

"Mmmrrph…" Daniel clutched at his waist. "Okay…beginning to hurt a bit…"

"Doctor, I'm not letting you take Doctor Jackson out of this meeting unless he passes out or you tell me your theory."

"Fine!" Janet spat out. "Cramps!"

"Cramps?" The General asked.

"Cramps?" Jacob queried.

"Cramps?" Teal'c's head tilted in puzzlement.

"Cramps?" Jack asked.

"Cramps." Thor said knowingly.

Daniel's head shot up in panic. He grabbed Janet's medical smock.

"I thought you said that cramps only happened when…" The archaeologist paled. "Oh crap."

"Cramps, Daniel." Janet corrected and patted his hand comfortingly. "It's not the end of the world."

"Owwww!" Daniel howled. "It feels like it!"

"Never thought I'd say 'thank god for menopause'." Jack mused.

Jacob coughed back a laugh.

"Now, General, I'd like to take Doctor Jackson down to the infirmary." Janet restated her medical position.

"Really, Doctor…it's just cramps. Can't you give him something for the pain? I'm sure he doesn't want to miss this meeting."

"Sir," Janet reined in her temper. "Cramps do not happen in isolation. Along with the cramps comes the body flushing out the…"

"Go the infirmary!" Hammond ordered loudly, comprehension dawning on his male mind.

Daniel started to stand.

"No!" Jack shouted. "Stay in the chair. The doc can wheel you down…take the chair with you…please…we don't need to see anything…"

Hammond nodded his agreement.

"You can keep the chair, Doctor Frasier."

The group watched as Janet wheeled a moaning Daniel out of the room.

"Now, Teal'c, tell us what you found." Hammond prompted.


	12. Chapter 12

A/N : Scarlet…I have a homepage! After checking out my profile, nope, I don't have a homepage. I left that field blank in my account. I really should work on one at some point.

For the suggestions that Jack become pregnant, I will admit that you're out of luck. While I have nothing against the stories where he and Sam become parents (or go through the "hatching" stage of little O'Neill's), I'm just not in a swollen-feet-food-cravings-seriously-moody frame of mind. Well, okay, the seriously moody I'm always in…

I do apologize for the delay in this chapter. It's been…difficult to say the least. A story about Teal'c from his point of view just wasn't in my plans until a reviewer suggested it (thank you for keeping me up at night!...just kidding). I hope the wait was worth it!

**Day ? (The Strange Adventures of Teal'c aka Teal'c's Debriefing)**

FLASHBACK 

The MALP proceeded through the Stargate ahead of me.

_As if it could protect me. I am Teal'c, I am invincible and I am wearing Darth Vadar underwear…hmmm…did I pack extra underwear? No matter…I shall go commando, as Colonel O'Neill says. I believe he once was a commando and I guess that those warriors did not wear underwear as part of their uniform. Fascinating human custom._

I could see the pathway leading towards the cavern, however upon closer inspection, I noticed that there had been much recent activity in the area since SG-1's departure. My senses were alert to any sound or movement.

_We can see the predatory Jaffa carefully observing the ground around him. No being stands a chance at sneaking up on him. If any were foolish to try, he would defend himself at all costs…I must stop watching the National Geographic channel…_

Upon our approach, I noticed that things had changed. Plants were different. The birds sounded different.

_One of these things does not belong…hummhumm…_

We were just outside of the cavern entrance, when a rustle in the bushes caught my attention. I turned, ready to fight. A small creature in brown robes emerged from the foliage. I could not see its face for the robes completely enshrouded it.

_It looks like a Jawa!_

The creature turned and ran. I pursued it through the trees. After a long pursuit, I noticed that I was finally beginning to catch up to the creature.

Suddenly, the creature darted off to the side. I attempted to turn, but was too late. I found myself standing knee-deep in a muddy swamp.

_Oooh…that smells…actually, it smells similar to that casserole the commissary served the day after the rat infestation…?...oh… I had second helpings of that casserole… suddenly I don't feel too well…_

I tried to walk out, but my movements only caused me to sink deeper into the substance. It was now up to my thighs.

_Where is Colonel O'Neill with a Plan B when I need him?_

Shrugging out of my back pack, I located my rope and proceeded to throw it in such a manner to snag a tree branch. Success upon my third attempt.

_Losing my touch…_

Unfortunately, my attempts to pull myself out of the swamp resulted in further sinking…

_Darn…there goes my underwear…ewww..that's some cold swamp water…my little jaffa is not happy…indeed…_

…and the branch fell into the swamp. The resulting splash was most displeasing as I was hit in the face with a large piece of slime.

_It is not unlike that at-home spa treatment Doctor Frasier gave me recently…although, this definitely does not smell like lavender._

END FLASHBACK 

"You had a spa treatment?" Jack gawked at Teal'c.

"Indeed. It was almost as relaxing as kelnoreem." The larger man acknowledged.

"Please continue, Teal'c." The General's voice was strained.

_When did Teal'c become a storyteller?_

The only sound was that made as bodies moved in their chairs to find more comfortable positions. Even Thor's eyes were looking slightly glazed over.

FLASHBACK 

I heard noises, bushes moving and what sounded like voices. Squinting through the slime on my face, I saw about a dozen creatures like my Jawa friend. They were all covered head-to-toe in brown robes so that I could not see their faces.

_Probably to avoid having to come in contact with the swamp water._

They were pointing at me and chattering in their squawking voices.

_I'm sure DanielJackson would find this fascinating. Odds are he would say "Their dialect is similar to insert language here Why does he find every language fascinating! Point, bow, scratch, raise eyebrow…what other forms of communication are necessary?_

Using a large branch, they signaled that they wanted my weapon which was currently held above my head.

_Numb arms or defenseless! What can they do me?_

I surrendered my weapon.

_Bah…it was last year's model anyways and the warranty's just expired on it…and I did forget to bring it in for its 3000th shot servicing._

Using another rope, they tossed out a looped end and signaled that I was to tie my hands to it. To give up my weapon was one thing, but to truss myself up like a sacrifice to our false gods was something else. I glared. They squawked. I glared more. They squawked louder.

Facing the impending threat of a headache, I looped the rope around my hands.

The creatures, despite their size, were quite strong and managed to pull me forward. The suction of air and mud around my feet yielded and I fell face first into the swamp. Working as a team, the creatures pulled me towards land. It was all I could to lift my head out of the water as I moved forward.

_No…nothing like the spa treatment. I will need another one after this. What is that smell! Oh…it is me…_

The creatures walked me to their village. I realized that their village was relatively close to the cavern but these creatures appeared to have the ability to blend in and out of the surrounding forest with ease. At times it seemed as if the only creature with me was the one holding my ropes.

And yet, I was puzzled. This ability of theirs explained why we did not see them during our visit and yet the bushes were trampled by the Stargate upon my arrival. It was like an animal instinct or fear had consumed them and they had temporarily forgotten their ability to blend with their surroundings.

As we entered the village, some creatures in grey robes approached. They were shorter than those in the brown robes and judging at the higher pitch of their language, they were younger creatures…the children. Unfortunately, they too were covered.

_They must be extremely ugly or extremely afraid of getting a tan._

A creature in blue robes approached slowly, shuffling and coughing. The other creatures all bowed and made a pathway for what I assumed to be the village elder.

I bowed. After some weak squawking, the creature in blue also bowed.

I knelt to the ground and drew a picture of the Stargate in the earth. I pointed at my self and the Stargate. Blue – that is what I named him – pointed at the sky, the gate and myself and squawked at the others. There was much chattering.

I then drew a picture of the cavern and a figure of myself and the rest of SG-1 entering the cavern. I then erased my comrades and drew them differently.

There was much more chattering.

END FLASHBACK 

"How did you draw us differently?" Sam asked.

Teal'c looked at the floor.

"Teal'c?" Sam prompted.

The former First Prime actually looked embarrassed.

Jack laughed.

"He drew you with a chest on the way in, Major." He chuckled.

"And presumably you with one on the way out, Jack." Jacob fired back.

"Teal'c?" Jack looked at his friend, horror on his face.

"May I continue?" Teal'c asked.

Nods from around the table answered.

FLASHBACK 

There was much nodding from the creatures. They appeared to understand my explanation. Brownie – the creature holding my ropes – stepped forward and removed them. Blue signaled that I was to follow.

We entered his small tent.

_Reminds me of that joke…A Jaffa walks into a bar…OUCH. I knew I should have gone into comedy, but noooOOOooo…I had to set my sights on First Prime…_

Blue retrieved a book from a table and offered it me it. After scanning its contents, I realized that it would provide a solution to our dilemma, but before returning, I wished to re-visit the cave to determine if there was anything else for me to learn.

I signaled my wishes.

Blue nodded and a group, including the elder creature, led me to the cavern.

Towards the entrance, Brownie #1, #2 and #3 held me back. I frowned. Within our group was a very pregnant creature in black robes…she stepped forward.

_Black is not always so slimming._

She entered the cavern alone. I paused. What if the cavern had the same effects on their people?

There was a flash of light.

A moment later, a slender creature in brown robes emerged. Brownie #3 raced forward and felt the stomach. Chirping and nodding, Brownie #3 led the other creature away. If that was indeed the creature that had entered the cavern, the gender had presumably been altered and the pregnancy terminated.

_An interesting form of birth…and population…control._

I indicated that I wished to return to the Stargate. Blue agreed.

After I had dialed the coordinates for home, I signaled that I would return with the passage of some time.

END FLASHBACK 

"The book that you were given, Teal'c…is this it?" Thor asked, gently pointing to a dusty tome on the table.

"Indeed." Teal'c replied. "Unfortunately, DanielJackson has left and I believe that only he will be able to interpret its contents."

"Well, it's only cramps." Jack replied. "Surely that can't take too long."

"If only you knew, sir." Sam replied.

"Really?" Jack asked, surprised. "So, menopause is a good thing?"

"We look forward to it on a regular basis, sir."

"Cool."

"Colonel. Major." Hammond piped up. "Please take this book down to the labs and have its contents scanned. Then give the book to Doctor Jackson…if he's not in too much pain to read. I'd like the rest of you to review the scanned copy and see what you can learn."

"I would appreciate a copy sent to my ship, General." Thor requested. "I will be able to work more efficiently there."

"I'm not sure how we can help, General," Jacob spoke up for himself and Selmak, "But we'll offer whatever assistance we can."

"Depending on how Daniel's doing, we might need some advanced pain killers." Jack suggested.

A/N : Okay, so the whole time line of this part doesn't quite "match" what's been happening on Earth. Perhaps, we just chalk this up to general relativity, the passage of time, the speed of light, etc.? Or perhaps, gentle readers, you will ignore this little hiccup?


	13. Chapter 13

A/N : If the mere thought of feminine hygiene products makes you queasy...you might want to read this chapter very very quickly. I would never suggest you skip it. ;-)

* * *

**Day 5 late AM**

"You know, I'm in the mood for brunch." Jack mused out-loud as he and Carter made their way to her labs.

"Hungry, sir?" Sam idly asked, her thoughts solely on finding a cure now.

"Maybe." Jack shrugged. "Although, what I've got an appetite for I don't think I'll find in the commissary."

Sam stopped walked and looked at Jack.

"Sir, don't get me wrong…last night was great…wonderful…amazing…"

"But…" Jack prompted.

"We've got the opportunity to find a cure, to go back to the way we were and time is running out."

"What if I don't want things to go back to the way they were?" Jack asked seriously.

"Sir?" Sam stared at her C.O. in disbelief. "How can you say that? Do you honestly want to remain a woman?"

"Maybe." Jack said again. "There have been some perks. I don't think I've ever had so many doors opened for me before…and I admit that women have a much wider selection of bath products."

Sam rolled her eyes.

"Besides, I wasn't talking about remaining a woman...I just don't know if I want other 'things' to return to the way they were." They continued walking. "Granted, it'll be nice to pee standing up again."

"Yeah, I'll miss that." Sam replied.

* * *

"OOOOOOO….!" Daniel clutched at his waist as he rocked back and forth on the examination table.

Janet walked towards him, compassion visible on her face.

"Daniel, don't worry…the pain will pass soon." She said comfortingly.

"Not…soon…enough…" Daniels hissed through clenched teeth. He looked at Janet with pain in eyes…and a hint of awe. "You and Sam go through this every month and never say a word! How?"

"Not every month is this bad…and for those that are, well, we're kind of used to it by now. And for those really bad months, I take a few pain killers and Sam gets to kill a few pain-in-the-butt bad guys." Janet checked her pockets, verifying their contents. "Come on, Daniel, we're going to the bathroom."

"Why?" He regarded her nervously.

"I'm not going to let you stay in here and mess up my examination table." Janet said kindly. "Trust me, Daniel, you'll feel better after a trip to the bathroom."

Daniel slowly climbed down to the floor. His posture was slightly hunched over from the pain.

"Ugh." He grunted.

"Take off your jacket, please." Janet instructed.

Frowning, he complied.

"Wrap it around your waist and tie it up in the front." She smiled.

"Oh…that bad?"

"No, not bad, Daniel…but obvious…and as a woman, men will stare at your gorgeous behind on a good day. You don't want looks of admiration turning into looks of horror." Janet grinned. "Admit it, Daniel, despite the 'doctor' title you have, the mere thought of women's biology – other than sex – was a topic you would rather not think of."

Daniel nodded.

"It's safer that way." He replied. "All we want to know is if you're feeling the need to stand up on the roof and shoot at people. I recall someone once said that if women ruled the world, there would be no war…just severe negotiations every 28 days."

Janet snorted.

"Was I cranky?" Daniel asked honestly.

"With everything that's been happening around here, I really haven't noticed." Janet replied truthfully. "Come on…stop stalling…"

"…and go find a bathroom stall." Daniel quipped as they head out of the infirmary.

* * *

Teal'c had left the boardroom to rest and meditate, leaving the General, Jacob and Thor to discuss the situation.

"Well…" George cleared his throat.

"So…" Jacob fidgeted.

"This is indeed an interesting situation." Thor commented.

_Just wait until I inform the Asgard council of this! They'll pee their…oh, right…we don't wear pants…we may need to change the names of some ships, however…I wonder if SG-1 will pick up the painting costs…_

"Have you informed the President, General?" Jacob asked.

George shook his head.

"I thought it best to wait until we either found a solution or realized that this was going to be permanent." He replied. "Granted, I have been thinking about what to say…"

_Mr. President…remember that talk you received as a child about the birds and the bees?_

_Mr. President…have you ever thought of what it would be like to be called Madame President?_

_Mr. President…it is with extreme pride that I introduce you to SG-1…Colonel Jacqueline O'Neill, Major Samuel Carter and Doctor Danielle Jackson. Oh, the other SG-1 team?...uh…well, you see, sir, there was this planet…_

_Mr. President…unfortunately, due to hormonal shifting, extreme menopausal symptoms and a severe case of bloating, Colonel O'Neill will be unable to attend supper at the White House tonight._

_Mr. President…we have discovered a new weapon against the Goa'uld…Doctor Jackson with PMS._

"Should the book that Teal'c located provide a cure, you should have little problem in finding the right words." Thor said kindly.

"…and using the right pronouns." Jacob added, smiling.

George sighed.

* * *

"It's a pretty book with lots of pretty pictures." Jack commented as Sam scanned the contents.

"But it's no kama sutra, sir?" Sam asked without looking up.

"Very good, Carter…humourous and sexy in the work environment." Jack patted Sam's behind. "There's hope for you, after all."

"Shouldn't I be the one doing that, sir?" Sam queried.

"Just reminding myself that I'm a man."

Sam looked up and grinned.

"Really, sir? I don't recall any part of your anatomy being manly last night."

"It's what's on the inside that counts, Carter." Jack said knowingly.

"I believe I was inside you, sir." Sam shot back.

"Yeah…" Jack dreamily replied with a silly grin. "Okay, I admit it will be nice to return the favour…"

* * *

Daniel stepped out of the shower, a towel wrapped around his body.

"Feel better?" Janet smiled.

He nodded.

"Okay…now for the tough part." Janet took a deep breath. "Supplies."

Daniel grimaced.

"Cramp?" Janet asked worried.

"No…just the mere idea that we're about to discuss feminine hygiene products and their application…for me."

"Oh, is that all?" Janet grinned. "Look, we're going to go with the simple pad. The other option will probably result in you passing out from just the idea of its application."

Daniel closed his eyes.

_If I am ever changed back to a man, I promise this to whatever Supreme Being hears this…I will have the utmost respect and compassion for women during that time of the month…amen…_

He opened his eyes.

Janet was explaining how to open the package, unfold it, remove said "supply" and adhere it to the crotch area of the panty.

"Why does it have wings?" Daniel asked. "Is it going on a trip?"

"No. The wings secure the pad in place and minimize leakage."

"What if I don't position it right?" Daniel asked.

_What the hell kind of question was that! And why does it smell like baby powder?_

"You can reposition it. However, it may take several attempts of positioning and moving around before you find just the right position."

"So, don't wear white pants?" Daniel asked.

"You're in luck, Daniel…there are no white military-issue pants. Unless you want the snow camouflage pants."

"I'll pass…various shades of grey just does nothing for my colouring."

* * *

"Contents are scanned, sir." Sam announced.

"Goodie. Why don't you go tell the big boys…I'll take the book to Daniel."

"Yes, sir…as soon as I upload a copy to Thor's ship."

"I wonder what would have happened to our little grey friend if he had entered the cavern."

Sam shrugged.

"Considering they don't really have a gender, sir, I doubt much would have happened."

"Great…Teal'c's comfortable in his masculinity and Thor's comfortable in his neutrality. The Asgard are worse than the Swiss."

Jack grabbed the book and left the lab.

* * *

"Hey, Daniel…how's it hangin'?" Jack smiled as found his friend in the infirmary. "Oops…bad choice of words…guess it's not hangin'…not much to hang…of course, at my age, things will start to sag…gravity sucks."

Daniel exhaled loudly, calling upon all his patience not to lash out.

"What would you like, Jack?"

"Not much. Teal'c found this book on our fave little planet and he thinks it contains the solution to our dilemma. We're going to work on a scanned copy, Thor's going back to his ship to work on it and we thought that maybe you could look at the book and…" Jack approached with the book and sniffed the air. "…and…are you wearing baby powder, Daniel?"

The sandy-haired woman winced.

"No." He said painfully.

Jack stepped even closer and took a not-so-delicate sniff.

"Then why do I smell baby powder on you?"

"It's not on me, Jack."

"Okay…I'm confused."

"It's…it's down there." Daniel pointed south.

"Down where?...oh!" Jack's eyes widened. "Really? They come scented?"

_Wonder if they have pizza-scented ones?_

"Yeah."

Dark brown eyes went from wide to narrow.

"Wait a sec…Carter never smells like baby powder."

"That's probably because she's using a tampon and there would be minimal odour with it inserted in her…"

"Woah! Enough! Stop! Cease! Desist!" Jack held up his hands. "Look…here…book…take…read…solve…just don't tell me any more about this topic of which we will no longer speak…of…any more…no speak…"

Jack frowned at his English.

Daniel took the book.

"I'll get right on it." He replied to Jack's back, as the Colonel made a hasty retreat from the room.


	14. Chapter 14

**Day 5 PM**

Daniel hunched over the tome that Teal'c had acquired. As near as he could gather from a very brief discussion with the former Jaffa, the creatures formed a primitive society with some cultural leanings and yet maintained a strong sense of "tribe". Daniel had mentioned to Teal'c that these creatures sounded fascinating, to which the muscular man had replied "Indeed."

Now alone in his office, Daniel quickly finished his first perusal of the book and was about to start his second when a knock at the door interrupted his studies. He looked up to see Janet in the doorway.

"Hey" He said, smiling a greeting.

"Hey, yourself." Janet replied as she entered the office, carefully stepping around artifacts. "I was debating on how I should be right now…the Napoleonic power monger in me wants to know if you've found the cure, yet the kind and demure woman in me wants to rub your lower back and make sure the cramps are gone."

"Demure?" Daniel snorted.

"Okay…power monger it is." Janet retorted, stepping behind Daniel's chair.

"Noooo!" Daniel playfully batted away Janet's hands from around his neck. "Have pity on me…I'm but a weak female!"

"Weak?" Janet's hands stilled. "Do you really think that we're the weaker gender?"

"Uhh…no?" Daniel replied slowly.

"Daniel!" Janet spun the archaeologist's chair around to face her. "With all that you've experienced in the past few days, do you still maintain that old belief?"

"Well…uh…muscularity speaking…yes, women are for the most part the weaker sex."

"We have to deal with patronizing men, we have to tolerate archaic beliefs, we're better at multi-tasking and we contribute a lot more than two minutes of participation towards the creation and development of offspring." Janet's voice was rising.

"Hey, I contribute more than two minutes!" Daniel protested.

"Just get back to work, Daniel…find the damn cure and return to normal." Janet marched towards the doorway, spinning around when she reached it, to fire a parting shot. "You know, Daniel, I think I like you more as woman…as a man, you remind of why I got a divorce."

Daniel watched her leave.

"Well, that didn't go well." He whispered as he returned his focus back to the book.

* * *

"You know, I think I'd be able to focusbetter if I was in your lap." Jack said as he and Sam studied the scanned copy of the book in her lab.

"But I wouldn't, sir…and let's face it, odds are I'll see something before you do."

Jack frowned.

"Are you saying your eyesight is better than mine, Carter?"

"No, sir."

"Are you saying you're smarter than me, Carter?"

"I would never **say** that, sir."

"Then what are you saying, Carter?"

"I'm just saying, sir, that if you're in my lap, you'll distract me…albeit, you're a very pleasant distraction." Jack preened. "But my brain works differently than yours and I do tend to recognize patterns before you."

"Maybe I let you." Jack pouted.

"Sir?"

"Well, women do tend to sulk and I knew if I let you beat me at somethings, you wouldn't get all upset."

"Sir!"

"See…you're upset now." Jack pointed out calmly.

Sam took a deep breath.

"I am not upset, sir." She looked at Jack. "Do you really let me win?"

"Sometimes." Jack admitted.

"Why?"

Jack hesitated.

"Sir…Jack…why?"

"Just to see you smile, Carter."

"Oh."

They both returned their focus to the book.

A/N : I think I just heard a collective "Awwwww!" from you, my gentle readers.

* * *

Thor walked around his science centre, mulling over the copy of the tome that Major Carter had uploaded to his ship. To all outward appearances, he was quiet and serene. Internally, however, he was humming a little ditty from one of his favourite Earth movies.

_I could while away the hours_

_Conferrin' with the flowers_

_Consultin' with the rain…_

_And my head, I'd be scratchin'_

_While my thoughts were busy hatchin'_

_If I only had a brain._

The Asgard re-read a page…interesting. Time of day played into how the cavern operated…assuming that the placement of the sun in the diagram was correct.

_I would not be just a nuffin'_

_My head all full of stuffin'_

_My heart all full of pain._

_I would dance and be merry_

_Life would a ding-a-derry_

_If I only had a brain – Whoa!_

The sun passed over the cavern 6 times….

Five had passed already…

_Whoa, indeed._

Thor pressed a button or two or three….

_If I only had a brain…_

* * *

Daniel sat on the toilet staring at the package.

A few minutes earlier he had contemplated trying to use a tampon, but while reading the instructions…

_Thank god for pictures!_

…the phrase "toxic shock syndrome" popped out at him and he had dropped the box to the ground in horror.

So, here he was…sitting on the toilet…staring at an item wrapped in pastel plastic.

He tried to remember what Janet had told him about positioning and folding wings. Frankly, he had nearly thrown up while removing the used pad. Every month! Women went through this every month! As if the cramps weren't bad enough! He knew that not a lot of blood was actually shed, but it certainly looked like it!

_I owe Janet an apology._

Daniel positioned the product and secured it in place. The idea of wings stilled made him want to giggle. Standing, Daniel started to pull up his pants when a bright light surrounded him.

_Oh no!_

* * *

"Have I caught you at a bad time, Doctor Jackson?" Thor asked.

"Uh…" Daniel quickly hiked up his pants, wincing at the moment of pain. "No more so than usual, Thor."

"Yes, I do believe that I have an ability which rivals your own for bad time."

Daniel grimaced.

"Crap…I didn't have the chance to wash my hands…or flush." Daniel looked at Thor. "I don't suppose the Asgards have invented wetnaps yet…or water-less antibacterial soap?"

Thor's eyes narrowed.

* * *

"Carter! We need to search the base! Quick!" Jack yelled, running towards Sam who was at the sink splashing water on her face.

They had decided to take a break from staring at the book.

"Sir?"

"Something…or someone…is wounded and judging by the amount of blood, horribly so!"

"Sir?"

"Look in the toilet!"

Sam peeked into the stall.

"Actually, sir, I think someone just forgot to flush and considering that this SG-1's bathroom for the time being and the box of tampons on the floor, that someone is probably Daniel."

"Ewwww! That is so gross!"

Teal'c entered the bathroom.

"Is everything okay, Colonel O'Neill? I could hear your expression of displeasure out in the corridor."

"No, it's not!" Jack put his arm around Teal'c. "Come here…I wanna show you something."

* * *

Walter found himself slammed against the wall, his reports and paperwork for the General scattered across the floor.

Wondering what weapon had hit him, he looked dazedly up and down the corridor. His last sight as he slumped to the ground was Teal'c running away with a hand over his mouth.

* * *

General Hammond and Jacob sat silently in the General's office. Each was lost in their own thoughts over the recent events that had changed SG-1.

Jacob's thoughts, however, were more on the paternal side of things.

_My god…Sam…Mark has a brother…what will we tell him if we don't find a cure? I mean, Sam's job has to remain hidden…_

Selmak's thoughts popped in.

_We could always tell him that Sam wanted a gender change and that the military agreed to it as, according to her cover story, she's not usually in a position to go off and fight._

Jacob glared inwardly.

_Mark will never believe that Sam was a man trapped in a woman's body!_

Amusement.

_It would be interesting to see his reaction…and his children's to "Uncle Sam."_

Jacob winced.

_Uncle Sam! That's horrible!_

A/N : A little bit of humour for my American readers.

Selmak "giggled."

_You named her._

_Her mother had a say, too, you know!_

_She'll make an amazing solider now._

_She is an amazing solider now…no matter what her sex is._

_I know…just testing you._

_Shouldn'tyou be finding a way to cure them instead of testing me?_

_I can not._

_Why not?_

_You're not reading the book._

_Oh._

George mulled less-than-paternal thoughts and inwardly gave thanks that symbiots did not give their host telepathic abilities, as well.

_I can't believe that I'm attracted to Jack O'Neill! Sure, as a man, I can admit that he's in much better than shape than me…thus making him a more physically attractive man…but as a woman…crap, I can't work with him…her…this…us…this is going to make things damnably awkward._

The General shifted in his chair to find a more comfortable position with his pants.

_We have to find a way to get them back to normal…well, back to the way they were. Normal is such a subjective term. I can't deal with this…telling the President, dealing with Jack, remembering the regs…not to mention Daniel's mood swings…_

_I need to see what I can do._

"I'm going to see if they need help." George and Jacob announced at the same time.

They grinned at each other.

* * *

"You know, Thor, you should really give a signal to the person before you beam them up."

"Why is that, Doctor Jackson?"

"Well, you literally caught me with my pants down…and that can make things pretty awkward."

"I do not feel awkward."

"I did…do…I mean, what if you had company when you did that? And this was going to be my first time meeting them? First impressions are lasting impressions…and me with my pants around my ankles isn't exactly the impression I would want to leave."

Thor's eyes narrowed a bit.

_These humans are so self-centred! How does he think I feel! I don't even have pants! I have walk around exposing myself to the Universe. For an advanced race, you think we'd be able to invent clothing. But no…I have to flaunt the fact that I have no reproductive organs for the whole galaxy to see. I have to display my so-called higher evolution by proclaiming that I do not need to have sex in order to procreate…_

_Yup…evolution…the higher up you go, the less fun life becomes. We should print up some business cards for ourselves…The Asgards : When you want to throw a damper on your party, just call us!_

"Your pants aside, Doctor Jackson, I believe that I havedetermined the method for you to return to normal."

His embarrassment forgotten, Daniel stepped closer to the console as Thor pressed some buttons.

_I wonder if he presses the buttons slower or incorrectly when he knows that someone is standing behind him…_

* * *

"Hey, you notice how the brown-robed ones go in and come out in black robes?" Jack pointed out.

"Robed?" Sam asked. "Is that even a word?"

"Well, it didn't get a red squiggly line underneath it when I typed it."

"Why were you typing 'robed', sir?"

Jack shrugged way too innocently for Sam's liking.

"Anyway, Carter, my point is how the black robes become brown and brown becomes black."

"You think the robes represent colour? Gender in, gender out?" Sam queried.

"So that's what GIGO stands for…" Jack mused.

"How's it going?" George asked, entered the lab with Jacob.

_Must…fight…urge…to…ogle…Jack…_

The General's fingers twitched.

"The Colonel might be on to something, sir." Sam stated and quickly explained her C.O.'s theory.

* * *

"Doctor Frasier, I have come to ask you a question." Teal'c announced.

Janet looked up from her computer, where she studied the most recent blood samples from SG-1. Time was running out.

"Of course. Fire away."

"Why would I wish to harm you in that manner?"

"It's just an expression, Teal'c. What is your question?"

"This monthly cycle of women…is it usually so…uncomfortable for humans?"

"Human men or human women, Teal'c?" Janet bit back a smile. "Surely your wife experienced something similar."

"Yes. However, it was something of which we did not speak. It was a private matter, experienced by women and discussed of only by women."

"What did you do when she experience her cycle?" Janet asked, curious.

"Stayed in the barracks with the other Jaffa." Teal'c remembered. "It was much…safer."

Janet lowered her eyes in amusement.

"I see." She said slowly.

"I wish to learn more about this bodily function, Doctor Frasier."

"Why?"

"Either way, there will be at least one female on the SG-1 team. I must know my team. Therefore, I must understand how the female body operates."

"Okay." Janet pursed her lips in thought. "I think I have a book around here with some good diagrams, showing how everything links up and…operates…"

Teal'c's eyes followed the doctor as she roamed around her office.

"Ah ha!" She cried out happily. "Success!"

"Your method of storing notes and books is much more organized than Doctor Jackson's." Teal'c remarked. "Perhaps you could teach him your method?"

"Frankly, Teal'c, I don't think Daniel is capable of learning anything." Janet said sadly. "Look, here's the book…read it and if you have any more questions, please ask."

"I shall remain here to read. It should not take me much time…the female body can not be that complex."

Janet glared at the large man.

"On second thought, perhaps I will read this elsewhere. Thank you, Doctor Frasier."

* * *

There was a bright flash of light.

"Or for the love of…" Jack thought angrily.

"Why does he always do this when I'm in the middle of something?" Sam mentally cursed.

"I wonder if he could accidentally forget to reconstitute a few of these fat cells for me?" Hammond mused.

"Why can't he ask first?" Jacob tiredly thought.

"Wheee!" Selmak chirped.

"Greetings." Thor said, nodding from his console station.

"Hey, folks." Daniel waved.

"Daniel…we need to talk about bathroom etiquette." Jack said, stepping towards the younger man.

"Can it wait, Jack? Thor's on to something."

"Yeah, well so are we and I was in the process of explaining it when we were brought up here." Sam snapped out.

"Easy, Carter." Jack tried to calm her down. "Normally, I'd say ladies first, but I'm not sure what to do here. The woman's a man. The man's a woman. And we have one gender impaired."

Thor's head tilted.

"Seeing as how the Major was in the process of explaining what you found before we were beamed up here," George started, "How about she finish and then we'll hear what Thor and Doctor Jackson have to say."

* * *

Teal'c sat as the table, meal untouched. He was reading the book Doctor Frasier gave him. The female body sounded much more complex than he had originally anticipated.

"Teal'c…what're you reading?" Sergeant Harriman stood across from him.

"A book on the female reproductive system."

Eyes widened behind the glasses.

"Oh."

"Do you know much about women, Sergeant Walter Harriman?"

"Uhhh…"

"I shall take that as a no." Teal'c stood. "I shall continue to read this elsewhere."

Turning to leave the commissary, Teal'c turned a page in the open book and came face-to-face with a colourfully accurate picture of the internal female anatomy.

He fainted.

* * *

"The robes do appear to symbolize the gender of the creatures." Thor concurred as Sam finished explaining what she and Jack had discovered. "I have also realized that the location of the sun has a role. The ceremony appears to occur only when the sun is on the far side of the mountain. As it passes over, no more rituals occur. I have also discovered that after 6 passes of the sun, the change is permanent."

"Five have already passed." Sam's eyes widened in horror.

"Yes, Major Carter. You must return to the planet."

"Do we need robes?" Daniel asked, eager to blend into a new society.

"As the change worked for you before while you were in uniform, I believe that it will work for you now." Thor replied.

"Can you beam us back into the gateroom?" Jack asked.

"Yes." Thor nodded and proceeded to press more buttons.

"Thank…"

Bright flash of light.

"…you." Jack said, staring at the Stargate. "You know, his timing sucks."

"Sergeant! Dial up…umm…" George called out.

"Dialing, sir!" Walter called down though the speaker system.

"Where's Teal'c?" Sam asked loudly.

"Infirmary, ma'am…he banged his head in the commissary."

"How?" Jack called out.

Walter blushed.

"I'd rather let him explain it to you, sir….Chevron 1 encoded."

"You do not need Teal'c for this mission." Hammond stated.

"Chevron 2 encoded!"

"Sam…good luck." Jacob hugged his daughter...son...Sam.

"Chevron 3 encoded!"

George nodded as some airmen came racing in with off-world gear.

"Just in case you need it, Colonel." He said.

"Chevron 4 encoded!"

"Thank you, sir." Jack saluted.

Hammond tried not to stare at Jack's chest…unsuccessfully.

_If this works, I'm going to miss those…_

"Chevron 5 encoded!"

"You know, I can't say I'm going to miss cramps." Daniel mused.

"Chevron 6 encoded!"

"Jack, be careful." Jacob said.

"Chevron 7 locked!"

"SG-1…you have a go." George announced.

Together, he and Jacob watched as the team walked up the ramp and into the wormhole.

"I hope this works." Jacob said softly.

"We'll find out soon enough."

"Did Thor say how long this would take?"

"No…but if he's right about the sun…hopefully, we'll find out in a few hours."


	15. Chapter 15

**Day 6 AM**

"The cavern was this way." Jack said, indicating with his P-90.

"Shouldn't we visit the village first?" Daniel asked.

"No time." Sam said, starting off. "Maybe afterwards. This should work even if we don't go."

As they approached the cavern, there was a rustling in the bushes. A creature stepped out in brown robes. He chattered at them.

"Daniel?"

Daniel blinked.

"It's a strange dialect, Jack. Chattering…chirping…clicks…it's like some form of African or maybe Australasian basis…"

"In other words, you don't know it."

"Yup…that would be it." Daniel replied absently, watching the hand movements. "But I think he wants us to come with him."

"Daniel…we don't have time." Sam hissed. "The sun is already up. Judging by the planet's rate of orbit, we have only an hour…maybe a bit longer…before the sixth pass over the cavern is complete."

"I think he wants to bless us first." Daniel argued.

"Can't he do it here?" Jack complained.

"Jack, the faster we get this over with, the faster we can get back here."

"Fine…but this had better not be long some ceremony…I hate those…always missed the pre-game football show on Sundays."

Sam grinned, as the team followed the brown-robed creature.

Entering the village, they were quickly taken to the largest hut where the blue robed creature Teal'c had said was their leader waited for them. He motioned to Daniel first.

"I think we go in one at a time." Daniel said to Jack and Sam.

"Okay…you be the guinea pig. Let us know if it tickles." Jack motioned for Daniel to go.

"You know," Sam said as she watched Daniel enter the hut, "If this works, we're back to normal again."

"Yeah."

"You'll be a man…I'll be a woman…"

"Yeah."

"What will we be?"

"Careful?" Jack said after thinking for a moment.

"Careful, sir?" Sam repeated.

"Careful…as we try to figure out how to make this work?" Jack elaborated, but still questioningly.

"I like careful." Sam mused.

"Thought you would." Jack grinned as he stepped forward.

"For good luck, sir?" Blue eyes twinkled.

"That's exactly what I was thinking!" Brown eyes sparkled as they moved in closer.

"I like good luck."

"Knew you would."

Lips touched, as Sam's hand wrapped around the back of Jack's neck and brought him in closer.

Loud chirping and chattering surrounded them, cheering them on.

"Ahem…" Daniel's voice carried over to them. Jack and Sam slowly broke apart. "Umm…next."

"I'll go." Sam said, unwilling to pull herself out of Jack's embrace, but knowing it had to be done.

"So…" Daniel started as Sam entered the hut.

"So…" Jack replied and grinned. "We know what the techs did last night."

Daniel's eyes widened.

"I knew it!" He stepped closer. "And?"

"And…" Jack paused. "Remember when we first met Carter and I said 'I **like** women'?"

Daniel nodded slowly.

"I've got a whole new level of appreciation for them now and when this is over…."

"…that appreciation had better last, sir." Sam announced as she exited the hut. "Your turn."

Jack mock-saluted his 2IC and proceeded to enter the hut.

"You know, you and Janet would look awfully cute together." Sam commented idly.

"I don't she's going to talk to me again, outside of a professional discussion." Daniel sadly remarked.

"What did you do now?" Sam asked.

She frowned as Daniel mumbled his response, catching the phrase "weaker gender" and "power monger".

"Make it up to her and she'll forgive you." Sam said.

"She said I reminded her of why she got a divorce." Daniel replied.

"Ouch…harsh." Jack remarked as he approached. "Come on, team, let's get this dog-and-pony show on the road. This thong's beginning to ride up my butt."

"Thong?" Sam and Daniel asked, scampering to catch up to their leader as he marched off towards the cavern.

* * *

"So now what?" Daniel asked as they stood the cavern where they had awoken to their new bodies.

"What did we do last time?" Sam asked.

"Daniel said something about some possible ritualistic symbols out front, Teal'c was his stoic and silent self…Carter, you were scrunching up your nose at the smell…and I…" Jack frowned. "I….I touched the walls."

"Touch them again, Jack." Daniel instructed.

Jack hesitated for a moment and suddenly realizing that his ability to pee standing up depended on him doing this quickly, pressed his hand against the damp-looking walls.

Bright flash of light.

* * *

"Unscheduled off-world activation!" Walter announced, as the sirens started to wail.

Hammond stepped closer.

"It's SG-1's IDC, sir." The sergeant announced.

"Bring 'em home."

"Yes, sir."

Jacob entered the room.

"It's them, Jacob."

The Tok'ra exhaled loudly.

"Cross your fingers, my friend." George said. "And if Selmak has 'em, cross them, too."

Jacob showed a weak smile.

Three bodies stepped out from the wormhole…two men and a woman. SG-1…the normal SG-1…was home.

Jacob breathed a sigh of relief.

Hammond stepped up to the microphone.

"Welcome back, SG-1. Debriefing will take place in 20 minutes."

Nodding up to the control room, SG-1 made their way to the infirmary for a post-off world check up.

* * *

"Hey, can we make a quick stop at the bathroom first?" Jack asked as they walked down the corridor.

"Sir…rules state that we…"

"Carter…look…remember that thong I mentioned…as woman, that's one thing…but it's grabbing at some things right now…some extremely precious things, if you catch my meaning…"

"Actually, I wouldn't mind a stop, either." Daniel looked distinctly uncomfortable.

"Daniel?" Carter frowned.

"I need to…umm…remove…something that I needed while I was a woman…it's still there…"

"You know…I was kind of getting used to you smelling like baby powder." Jack remarked.

"Just go…I'll wait outside the door." Sam said stiffly.

"Dibs!" Jack cried out as they neared SG-1's temporary "private" bathroom.

"Fine…just hurry up…this is not nice…" Daniel squirmed.

"But at least nothing is being pinched by a piece of cloth…my ability to procreate is in serious jeopardy right now.."

* * *

"Hey." Jack said softly as he left the bathroom and met Sam outside.

"Sir."

"We…uh…need to talk."

"Now, sir?" Sam asked, meeting her C.O.'s eyes with a dull gaze. She dreaded this conversation.

"Carter…Sam…I meant what I said back there on the planet about trying to find a way to make this work. We have a lot to talk about and we both know that I'm not that good at…talking…so I'm going to need your help and patience."

"Supper sound good, sir?"

"Supper?" Jack blinked.

"Supper…food…sustenance…nutritional intake converted into…"

"I know what supper is, Carter." Jack glared.

"Good…do you know what nineteen hundred is?"

"A time." Jack said harshly.

"Wonderful…so if I said, supper at your place at nineteen hundred, what would you say?"

"I'd say bring pizza and we're on."

"Well, I feel refreshed!" Daniel said happily as he exited the bathroom, oblivious to the conversation between his teammates.

"Me, too." Jack smiled at Sam.

* * *

"Glad everyone's here." George said as he said down and looked around the table. "I'm pleased to see that everyone has returned to their normal self."

_Oh, thank god he's back to normal…but I will miss those long legs of his…and how he looked in that tank top…then again, no phone call is necessary to the President._

"As am I." Jacob said.

_No need to explain anything to Mark. Oh crap…will Jack and Sam still…umm...a father's mind shouldn't go there…_

"As am I." Thor said.

_I am relieved that there will be no need to re-name and re-paint the ships._

"As am I." Teal'c proclaimed, nodding his head.

_After what I have seen in that book from Doctor Frasier...dizzy…_

"Teal'c, are you sure you're okay?" Jack asked in concern. "What happened to you?"

"Walter said something about a book." Sam added.

"It was…perhaps we should continue with the debriefing. General Hammond…"

The older man nodded.

"So, I take it the cavern worked?" He asked the team.

"Yes, sir." Daniel started. "Apparently, what we missed the first time was the blessing."

"Blessing?" Jacob asked.

"Yes, dad." Sam started. "We were not properly prepared that first time, which is why we were rendered unconscious when we entered the cavern. We needed to be exposed to some of their herbs and local fruit. It's our theory that they contain some chemicals which protected us from blacking out."

"I think we could send a team back, sir." Daniel said. "They could analyze the make-up of the herbs and fruits to determine what protected us from being knocked out. There could be some medical benefits here."

"SG-8 has had a few weeks of down time…a mission like this would be right up their alley, sir." Jack commented. "Maybe send Felger with them…and forget to mention the fruit at first?"

Hammond shook his head in disbelief. Yup...back to normal...

* * *

Sam opened the door and peeked in. Some soft jazz was playing in the background. She grinned.

"You're late." Jack said, grabbing the pizza from her. "What, no flowers?"

"Sorry, Dad didn't want me to leave…flowers?"

"Yeah, flowers…aren't you supposed to bring them on a date?"

"You want flowers?" Sam asked incredulously.

"Well, traditionally the man brings them to the woman…but I figure in light of recent events, we could try reversing some roles…"

"Great…guess that means you're doing dishes then tonight."

"Hey." Jack frowned, as Sam followed him into the living room.

Sam watched Jack's back and shoulders stiffen a bit as he put the pizza down on a table.

"Jack?"

"I'm debating…" His back remained facing her.

"On?"

"On what to say…how to say it…when to say it…"

"Glad it's nothing too deep then."

"Aren't I the one who's supposed to use sarcasm in awkward moments?" Jack turned around.

Sam shrugged.

"I've always known that you're much more complex than you let most of the world see, Jack." Sam stepped closer. "Beneath that wall of cynicism and sarcasm, beats a heart that cares."

"Too much, Sam." Jack acknowledged.

"I know…it'd be easy to forget about what happened between us, wouldn't it?" Sam asked.

"No…not easy…never easy…" Jack stepped closer. "But we should. Should forget that we crossed that line. Should forget that we tossed the regs out the window. Should forget how we feel."

"Should, Jack…but will we? Can we? Can you?" Sam stepped up to Jack, a hand reaching up to caress his face. "Because I don't know if I can. We did cross that line…we opened up our own Pandora's box…and I don't think I can close it up again."

Jack closed his eyes, as if in pain.

"I don't think I can either." He whispered harshly.

* * *

Ding dong!

Growling in frustration, the door was whipped open.

"What do you want?" A tense voice asked.

"I…uh…came to see you….and…umm…"

"Spill it."

"…say I'm sorry." Daniel blurted out. "I couldn't decide if chocolates or flowers or wine was the way to go, but I thought…no, hoped…that me saying I'm sorry would be enough for you to forgive me."

Janet blinked.

"I'm sorry, Janet. You aren't the weaker gender…**you** aren't weak. Your strength goes beyond physical appearances…I never realized…appreciated…your emotional strength and the depth of it."

Janet sniffed.

"You're not talking about all women here, are you?"

"No…you...just you…I'm talking about your strength, Doctor Janet Frasier. And how I need your strength to keep me going."

Janet smiled.

"Cassandra's over at a friends…why don't you come in and tell me more about my strength?" She suggested.

Daniel's eyebrows raised.

"I…uh…didn't come over to do…uh…for…**that**….I just wanted to apologize and…hey!..."

Janet grabbed Daniel and pulled him forcibly into her house.

"You know, for a man, you talk a lot." Janet growled as she slammed the door shut behind them.

* * *

"You know, the pizza's probably cold by now." Jack mused, his fingers playing in Sam's hair.

His 2IC rolled over to face him.

"Have you heard of this wonder invention called a microwave?"

"I don't remember you being this sarcastic before." Jack replied.

"Could be some high levels of residual testosterone in me." Sam contemplated. "We didn't start acting like our modified sexes immediately…the change back to completely normal could take some time as well."

"Damn." Jack replied, as Sam straddled him. "I'm not going to have hot flashes as a man, am I?"

"I'm sure we find ways to cool you down." Sam said softly as she leaned down and started to nibble on a very tempting earlobe. "I can get pretty inventive with ice cubes."

"Hey…what am I going to do with all that lingerie?" Was Jack's last coherent statement.

- Fin

* * *

A/N : And thus ends my first SG-1 fanfic. Thank you to my reviewers, my story alerters, and those who made this fic one of their faves. You've truly inspired me to write some more stories in this area…and buying Seasons 1-3 on dvd has also helped (Seasons 4-8 will be added as the pay cheques allow). Iris closed.

- Rahainia


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